Saturday, April 12, 2008

la batalla de cuerpa

lately i've been quixotic. in a spiritual sense, it feels as though my flesh, the 'old man', is attempting a takeover. i am most certainly in one of those spiritual growth times and it is really becoming evident. i have always struggled with issues of anger and pride, and lately my eyes have been opened to how these issues had become ingrained in me at an early age, so much so to the point where i am not 100% aware of what i am doing anymore. i struggle with compulsive spending and laziness! terrible things that are so epitomizing of the world i struggle to live outside of today. as if those arent taxing battles in myself, my literal flesh is fighting me. i wake up from terrible, anguishing dreams to find that i've clenched my jaw all through the night. i have not had one day without pain in the last 2 months. everyone i know says i must be stressed, but i would beg to differ. most of us would argue that we are 100% aware of it when we are stressed out, right? i am handling job stress, i am handling school, i am trying my darndest to handle my finances, so why am i always so tense? it's a mystery...
on a brighter note, my spanish professor said something very encouraging to me. after i made a short class presentation in which i garbled many words and apologized much, my professor said "rachael, no te dudas! puedes hablar" (rachael, don't doubt yourself, you can speak). it was really nice to hear.
i am really desiring a true sabbath. one that does not involve me sleeping the day away.

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