long dark blues

1) i havent been to church in about 6 weeks. i actually really love my church and miss people there, but i've come to the realization that i have simply become accustomed to having too much stress in my life and that i need to take more "me" time. like a sabbath, really. stress is so normal to me now that i dont have the slightest idea as to what to do with any free time. i plan on going back next week. on a sidenote, i found out that a girl who i really liked no longer goes to our church because she felt like she didnt connect with anyone... i feel like i might be to blame for that in some way, and that bums me out. i also felt that way about the people in our congregation, and still do to an extent... 2) i really want to move to spain or south america. yesterday i talked to another interpreter at the clinic where i volunteer. he told me stories of how he'd moved to spain to teach english, no visa, not much of a financial safety net, and pretty much flew under t

(my favorite wall) (my little ol' puppy girl, d'arcy) (the two of us, livin' it up on a friday night)

some presents: as hoped, one of those lovely presents was a new digital camera. i am still trying to figure out how to use it as well as flickr.com. christmas was awesome this year! i got so many things i didnt even expect. eric had an awesome christmas with us as well. we love to spoil him. he got a timbuk2 backpack for his bike riding from my mom, a chris markovich deck, a lomography oktomat camera, some clothes from my mom and a hat, some ipod accessories, a "love your enemy" shirt from another world is possible, an electric razor (practical of me), a dremel set from my dad, some stocking stuffers, and last but not least... my dad built him a letterpress! i think he enjoyed his christmas with us. i wish i'd taken pictures of some of the presents i made this year... i made my grandma a set of stationery, made jen (my sister-in-law) a heat pack for her neck, made picture frames for ladies at work, and a ton of homemade candy. next year i hope to make the majority of the

my schedule is calming down. i'm finally done with school for this semester, and it really did kind of fly by. i was very pleased to see my hard work pay off (i really did work hard!). i got a 3.5 GPA, and i dont say that to brag in the least; it's just that it's so cool to me to be able to see what a change i've made. my first semester of college ever (back in 2000), my GPA was 1.9- not the best way to start a college career. so i've grown, i've matured, i've realized what it means to work hard to get things done. so, as i said, i'm not bragging, just very pleased. God has certainly made a change in me! through speech class i realized how important it is for me to be an advocate for the poverty issue here in indianapolis. after all the research i'd done, i just couldn't continue to live in the same manner knowing that there are so many people in need, people within a few miles of where i comfortably live. i guess you could say, in Shane Clai

i had a hard time coming up with a christmas list this year. usually i say, "oh, just take me shopping", but the older i get, the more difficult it is for me to buy/want things that aren't really "useful." for years i have been asking for a moped. i dont think it's going to happen. and i tried wanting clothing/shoes/other nice-ities, but i just couldnt put my heart into it. SO. this is what i asked for: 1) a digital camera. yeah, i'm playing catch-up with everyone else technology-wise. i dont want or need a fancy one, just something i can 'document' things with. 2) craft supplies. i would love to be able to make more things. i asked for supplies to make resin jewelry and soldering supplies. i read somewhere that you can solder anything and in a very cheesy way, i felt inspired. 3) a rotary mat, for cutting bigger (!!!) sewing projects. 4) gift cards, so that i can buy clothes that fit and things i need. 5) a mini-fridge. really kinda 'frivol

tonight i was given some bad news. i probably shouldn't go into details for the sake of privacy... it's just such a shock. something very sad happened in my friend's family. i never, ever saw it coming. i guess this is just one of those moments where i wish i had one of those super-power emotional band-aids that could make everything okay. i wish i knew what to say or do. i wish i knew how to deal with this mentally. thank you God for always having a plan for us, a plan that is better than any of our own plans, even if we don't always understand it. love you, j.e.s.

maybe one of these days i can figure out how to get a music player on my blog. for now, here is a list of a really good mix i made recently: young folks - peter, bjorn, and john the funeral - band of horses the latest toughs - okkervil river caleb meyer - gillian welch never ending math equation - modest mouse ruby - kaiser chiefs dark center of the universe - modest mouse helicopter - m. ward a savior on capitol hill - derek webb promise of love - american analog set 7/4 (shoreline) - broken social scene else - built to spill (sidebar: jenny and i are music twins) the joke is over - damien jurado photobooth - death cab for cutie new religion (duran duran cover) - jimmy eat world seven - sunny day real estate house under the hill - the finches he lays in the reins - calexico & iron and wine devil never sleeps - iron & wine i have been listening to this mix: a) while at work doing monotonous taskery b) while making some of the items from the huge list of christmas presents i ne

so, i briefly mentioned my counseling in the last post. it's been an interesting experience. a strange thing about me is that i am (and have been for years) strangely aware of my faults, shortcomings, etc... it's weird for me because i can see myself doing things that i know are unhealthy, things that are not in alignment with God's nature, and yet i dont know the first thing about how to stop those behaviors. i've always known that i was 'different', maybe bitter or cynical, but i never knew why or how to stop being so. thus, i began to seek the counsel of some ladies at a nearby church. they have a great program- they give me homework and readings and exercises and while it might sound silly, it's been very, very helpful. from day one i have felt God chipping away little pieces from me, like i am a block of ice that he's begun to carve something out of. for the past year and a half or so i have felt spiritually dead, as though i had been just trea

i have had a lot on my plate lately it seems. last week was non-stop, go-go-go for me. school, work, volunteering, homework, grandma, etc... i literally had no downtime. even sleep seemed a chore. yesterday, i had a full schedule of going to work in the morning, going to pay grandma's rent after work, going to counseling, going to classes, and going to speech night, which put me out of the house for nearly 14 hours straight. i woke up yesterday already feeling stressed, so when my car did not start before work, i flipped out a little as you might imagine. by the time i got to work, i was in panic mode. i flipped out a little more at work and cried for about 2 minutes. some very nice ladies i work with calmed me down. afterwards, however, one of those very nice ladies was more or less fired. it was a bummer for sure. anyhow, the day went fine after i calmed myself down and got it together. i tend to get overwhelmed easily but the ladies who counsel me are helping me to understand th

well, livejournal just didn' t do it for me anymore, and i realized that i've been posting way too many blogs of the personal sort on myspace... thus, a new blogspot is born. hello friends :)