Friday, March 27, 2009

all joy.

something that i've been especially thankful to learn in my walk with Christ is how to be joyful in my trials and tribulation. i can't say i'm good at it or that it doesn't hurt still, but i've been blessed with mountain-moving faith in this area. the past few weeks have been difficult; i've had to deal with one thing after another- deaths in the family, as well as an especially painful event that i never, ever imagined would transpire in my life. but! i am still here. i am still believing. in fact, i am believing that God can and will take all this awfulness and bring something truly amazing up out of it. He has already changed me in ways that i could not change myself, even though i wanted to so badly. i believe that i am lucky to serve a God who is faithful even when i am not, a God who loves me regardless of how poorly i may love others, a God who loves me enough to turn my ways from the grave, and a God who loves me enough to discipline me. i am learning patience, hope, longsuffering, and love, and even though it is painful, it is priceless.

oh, and i'm 27 now! yuck! at least i got a new ipod touch out of it.

Monday, March 2, 2009

venting over rude drivers.

will someone tell me what is up with rude drivers? this is my biggest pet peeve. i used to have some pretty bad anger issues, and i honestly feel like i have a handle on all my old triggers EXCEPT for rude drivers! like, it's totally okay to cut someone off or ride their tail because there are vehicular bodies between you- since you aren't face to face, in the flesh, it's OK to drive like a jerk! at least that's what people seem to think. people are always tailing me on my way home from school, like im just going waaaaaay toooo slooow, but hello, im doing 75 mph in a 70 zone. i figure thats safe enough but nooooooo, dudebrah's SUV isn't emitting enough toxins at this speed, so i either gotta move out of the way or speed up. what happens if i do neither? i have to admit i kinda like pissing people off in this way. if i just stay in my comfy 75 mph zone and play dumb, eventually i'll get the brights flashed at me or they'll wise up and go around. i prefer they do the latter obviously, which is what they should have done when they realized i wasn't 'up to their speed.'

i say all this because this happened tonight, some dude in a sparkly white car with illinois plates slowly crept up on my butt and then flashed me his brights- mind you there is only FEET between us and there's plenty of room for him to pass me. so i stay put. he eventually passes me but i was so pissed that i gave him the bird. it's been a really long time since i've flipped someone off- i immediately felt like i was in trouble and the following conversation occurred between me and God:

me: "sorry, God..."
God: "you're not sorry for flipping him off. you're just sorry that you got caught."
me: "yeah. you're right."
God: "it's not my fault that guy drives like a jerk."

some heavy pondering occurred after this conversation. was i in some sense taking out my anger on God? it didn't seem so, but it was true that in expressing my anger in an ungodly manner was against God's wishes... very interesting.