Sunday, December 30, 2007

observatory

1) i havent been to church in about 6 weeks. i actually really love my church and miss people there, but i've come to the realization that i have simply become accustomed to having too much stress in my life and that i need to take more "me" time. like a sabbath, really. stress is so normal to me now that i dont have the slightest idea as to what to do with any free time. i plan on going back next week. on a sidenote, i found out that a girl who i really liked no longer goes to our church because she felt like she didnt connect with anyone... i feel like i might be to blame for that in some way, and that bums me out. i also felt that way about the people in our congregation, and still do to an extent...
2) i really want to move to spain or south america. yesterday i talked to another interpreter at the clinic where i volunteer. he told me stories of how he'd moved to spain to teach english, no visa, not much of a financial safety net, and pretty much flew under the radar for 7 months. i'd much rather do it that way than deal with visas and what not. apparently spain isn't really concerned with americans.
3) i am thinking of opening an etsy shop, and selling odds and ends. i made some rice hot/cold packs for christmas presents this year, and everyone seemed to be really excited about them. i'm also making more and more jewelry, and if i can get my hands on some soldering tools, i will be able to do even more...
4) i really need to learn how to sew... like, properly. right now i do what i call "sufficient sewing", which to me means that it gets the job done. it's definitely not very fancy or 'clean.' hoping to change that.
5) i miss making music soooooo much. my dad broke down his drums and put them in the attic and apparently doesnt plan on putting them up any time soon. seriously. some people crave food, drugs, alcohol... i crave beats. hahah.
6) i'm sort of not looking forward to another semester. i'm torn between finishing college and continuing to live with my parents vs. working full time, possibly at two jobs, so that i can move back out. there are simply too many variables in my life at the moment.
7) my jaw is killing me. i think i have TMJD.
8) i keep watching reruns of Invention Nation on the science channel and trying to talk myself into getting a diesel car to convert to veggie oil.

and last, because it's sad and i dont really want to think about it but i have to eventually:

9) i think d'arcy is dying. i dont have the slightest idea for how to deal with this. i keep giving her supplements and puppy painkillers but nothing seems to be helping :( i almost wish she'd just go peacefully in her sleep sometime so that she doesnt have to suffer and i don't have to watch. i dont know what to do...

Friday, December 28, 2007

a few new photos. still experimenting :)

(my favorite wall)

(my little ol' puppy girl, d'arcy)

(the two of us, livin' it up on a friday night)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

christmas highlights 2k7

some presents:











as hoped, one of those lovely presents was a new digital camera. i am still trying to figure out how to use it as well as flickr.com.

christmas was awesome this year! i got so many things i didnt even expect. eric had an awesome christmas with us as well. we love to spoil him. he got a timbuk2 backpack for his bike riding from my mom, a chris markovich deck, a lomography oktomat camera, some clothes from my mom and a hat, some ipod accessories, a "love your enemy" shirt from another world is possible, an electric razor (practical of me), a dremel set from my dad, some stocking stuffers, and last but not least... my dad built him a letterpress! i think he enjoyed his christmas with us.

i wish i'd taken pictures of some of the presents i made this year... i made my grandma a set of stationery, made jen (my sister-in-law) a heat pack for her neck, made picture frames for ladies at work, and a ton of homemade candy. next year i hope to make the majority of the presents i give to others.

merry christmas, hermanos y hermanas :)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

winter in the making

my schedule is calming down. i'm finally done with school for this semester, and it really did kind of fly by. i was very pleased to see my hard work pay off (i really did work hard!). i got a 3.5 GPA, and i dont say that to brag in the least; it's just that it's so cool to me to be able to see what a change i've made. my first semester of college ever (back in 2000), my GPA was 1.9- not the best way to start a college career. so i've grown, i've matured, i've realized what it means to work hard to get things done. so, as i said, i'm not bragging, just very pleased. God has certainly made a change in me!
through speech class i realized how important it is for me to be an advocate for the poverty issue here in indianapolis. after all the research i'd done, i just couldn't continue to live in the same manner knowing that there are so many people in need, people within a few miles of where i comfortably live. i guess you could say, in Shane Claiborne terms, i've "found my calcutta." i started working at a free clinic on the eastside of indy, where 8 out of 10 children are hungry, and 50% of adults cannot read. i also began writing articles for a magazine called "One Paycheck Away," which i'm very excited about. i've got my hands in all kinds of pots... just wish i had more time to invest...
i'm certainly excited/motivated to get my degree done so that i can more effectively communicate with the spanish-speaking folk around here.
really, there are many things i hope to do in the near future- get more involved in the community, continue to spend more time with grandma, invest more time in crafts with the intentions of opening a little online shop, explore alternative ways of living, make music (again), and rely more on myself (less on the government/parents/employers/consumer market/etc).
sigh, i have so much i want to do...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

christmas list

i had a hard time coming up with a christmas list this year. usually i say, "oh, just take me shopping", but the older i get, the more difficult it is for me to buy/want things that aren't really "useful." for years i have been asking for a moped. i dont think it's going to happen. and i tried wanting clothing/shoes/other nice-ities, but i just couldnt put my heart into it. SO. this is what i asked for:

1) a digital camera. yeah, i'm playing catch-up with everyone else technology-wise. i dont want or need a fancy one, just something i can 'document' things with.
2) craft supplies. i would love to be able to make more things. i asked for supplies to make resin jewelry and soldering supplies. i read somewhere that you can solder anything and in a very cheesy way, i felt inspired.
3) a rotary mat, for cutting bigger (!!!) sewing projects.
4) gift cards, so that i can buy clothes that fit and things i need.
5) a mini-fridge. really kinda 'frivolous', but i wanted a fridge for my desk at work and i dont need the dorm-sized one, so i asked for one of those fridges that holds about a six-pack.

that's all i can really think of. i asked for a few little things here and there from eric, like a custom-made necklace from etsy.com. he says he's cooking up a surprise, and i am clueless... but that's good, because he's getting spoiled by my family again this year. two big surprises, one from each parent, and a couple of cool things that i picked out.

i finished my shopping tonight (hooray!), but now i have a long list of craft items that i need to make for people. i'm trying my best to make more and more of my presents for christmas, and hopefully one day i can cease christmas shopping altogether. this year it was my goal to make at least one thing for each person on my list. i think the only idea i have for my dad is to make him a "shooting range target carrier." yup. basically a yoga-mat bag design made from camo pants. he likes guns and that's all i got. let me know if you have any better ideas...

i really better not make that.

Monday, December 10, 2007

heart hurts

tonight i was given some bad news. i probably shouldn't go into details for the sake of privacy... it's just such a shock. something very sad happened in my friend's family. i never, ever saw it coming.
i guess this is just one of those moments where i wish i had one of those super-power emotional band-aids that could make everything okay. i wish i knew what to say or do. i wish i knew how to deal with this mentally.

thank you God for always having a plan for us, a plan that is better than any of our own plans, even if we don't always understand it.

love you, j.e.s.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

oh'dellard adventures!

maybe one of these days i can figure out how to get a music player on my blog. for now, here is a list of a really good mix i made recently:

young folks - peter, bjorn, and john
the funeral - band of horses
the latest toughs - okkervil river
caleb meyer - gillian welch
never ending math equation - modest mouse
ruby - kaiser chiefs
dark center of the universe - modest mouse
helicopter - m. ward
a savior on capitol hill - derek webb
promise of love - american analog set
7/4 (shoreline) - broken social scene
else - built to spill (sidebar: jenny and i are music twins)
the joke is over - damien jurado
photobooth - death cab for cutie
new religion (duran duran cover) - jimmy eat world
seven - sunny day real estate
house under the hill - the finches
he lays in the reins - calexico & iron and wine
devil never sleeps - iron & wine

i have been listening to this mix:
a) while at work doing monotonous taskery
b) while making some of the items from the huge list of christmas presents i need to craft for people
c) on my super sweet, super minimalist car stereo that consists of my ipod and a pair of ipod speakers that run on triple A batteries and sits on my dashboard when not folded up in my purse (a great $5 investment).

i must now return to online shopping for jewelry supplies. dios te bendiga.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

progress

so, i briefly mentioned my counseling in the last post. it's been an interesting experience. a strange thing about me is that i am (and have been for years) strangely aware of my faults, shortcomings, etc... it's weird for me because i can see myself doing things that i know are unhealthy, things that are not in alignment with God's nature, and yet i dont know the first thing about how to stop those behaviors. i've always known that i was 'different', maybe bitter or cynical, but i never knew why or how to stop being so. thus, i began to seek the counsel of some ladies at a nearby church. they have a great program- they give me homework and readings and exercises and while it might sound silly, it's been very, very helpful. from day one i have felt God chipping away little pieces from me, like i am a block of ice that he's begun to carve something out of. for the past year and a half or so i have felt spiritually dead, as though i had been just treading water for some time in some sea of cynicism, trying desperately to hold on to whatever joy God had for me. now i can say that i feel like i'm finally waking up after a long slumber.

i've never felt so much progress in my life even though i'm nowhere near where i want to be. i certainly didnt plan to be living with my parents again at the age of 25. at least i have a steady job, a car that runs (most of the time), a great church, a place to live, a plan to graduate from college, a few friends, and a boy who cares a great deal about me.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

a day off!

i have had a lot on my plate lately it seems. last week was non-stop, go-go-go for me. school, work, volunteering, homework, grandma, etc... i literally had no downtime. even sleep seemed a chore. yesterday, i had a full schedule of going to work in the morning, going to pay grandma's rent after work, going to counseling, going to classes, and going to speech night, which put me out of the house for nearly 14 hours straight. i woke up yesterday already feeling stressed, so when my car did not start before work, i flipped out a little as you might imagine. by the time i got to work, i was in panic mode. i flipped out a little more at work and cried for about 2 minutes. some very nice ladies i work with calmed me down. afterwards, however, one of those very nice ladies was more or less fired. it was a bummer for sure.

anyhow, the day went fine after i calmed myself down and got it together. i tend to get overwhelmed easily but the ladies who counsel me are helping me to understand that more and have more control over it.

so, today being my day off, what did i do to celebrate?

i shopped... 'til my feet hurt, even.

i try my best to not be the typical, materialism-driven American. however, i must say that spending money on others is very therapeutic. i think Christmas is my favorite holiday because it gives me an excuse to spend lots of money on other people. thanks be to God for providing me with money to spend on others! in fact, i often fantasize about winning the lottery. what a fun time i would have spending lavish amounts of money on the down-and-out. i would take homeless people out to fancy dinners, get them places to live, pay for some kids to go to college, pay off my parents' house, pay off others' debts, buy people cars... man, i'd have a ball. i do have to confess that i would probably buy myself a toyota prius first. that way i would have reliable transportation (unlike my current car) in order to be able to do all those other things.

Trump, i hope you're readin' this!

i gave in.

well, livejournal just didn' t do it for me anymore, and i realized that i've been posting way too many blogs of the personal sort on myspace... thus, a new blogspot is born.

hello friends :)