Tuesday, January 27, 2009

goin' against yr mind

i realize this is going to sound ridiculous, but every now and then during the process of waking up in the morning, i find myself humming a song that was in my dream. in my dreams i can write the most amazing stuff! but when i fully wake up, the song is long gone. sometimes as im dreaming lucidly i even try to sing out loud in an attempt to remember melodies. i remember once when i was in about 6th grade or so, i woke up singing, "i wanna go to jupiter, to jupiter, to jupiter..." of course i have no idea what the lyrics meant but for a 6th grader the melody was pretty impressive.

do you ever come across songs that you think are just "genius"? it's hard for me to explain, but every now and then i encounter a song that just makes a lot of sense musically. i think i discovered Built to Spill's "Goin' Against Your Mind" over a year ago and it is definitely one song that i will never, ever get sick of. i'm pretty sure that if there was a constant soundtrack to my life, this song would play a few times. the whole thing's just pure genius, kinda mind-blowing for me really. doug martsch is seriously underrated.

(if you click the link it will take you to the band's website, where the song should start playing.)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

at peace

lately i have been feeling very content, very happy with where i am in life. i think somewhere over the past few years i began to feel a great dischord between where my life was and where i wanted my life to be, if that makes any sense, and i can say with great relief that that period is behind me. lately through working at peter's house and just milling through daily life, i have come to feel as though God is truly using me, and for me that is the ultimate goal. i am definitely not perfect nor have i "arrived," but things are good. i've noticed that when i go to peter's house to hang out with the homeless folks, i genuinely care about them. i mother over them. i enjoy dishing out plates of food for them. and i dont feel endangered, even though the house is located in one of the worst areas of the city. the house truly has a peaceful feeling about it, and i get a great blessing from providing these folks with a healthy, home-cooked meal. i am 100% certain that that is where God wants me, with people who are broken like me.

i've also had a glimpse of where my "career" (if you can call it that) may be going. i have become friends with the Mexican lady who cleans my workplace after hours. i've been really grateful for the opportunity to practice my spanish with her, and today she told me that she understands 90% of what i say. for me this is awesome! i certainly get flustered from time to time and forget a word or use the wrong tense and she'll patiently finish my sentences for me. her husband was with her today and just having a conversation with them in their native language was a real blessing; i think i get some sort of high off of being able to communicate with others in a situation where there might normally be a language barrier. i guess it makes me feel like i can relate to a person even more, and i feel that's my purpose in life- to relate to others, to join them on their level (whatever it may be), to show them Christ's love.

it's certainly a relief to feel like God can use me. at certain times in my life i have felt as though i'd screwed up too much, that i was "too [something]" for God to use me, and i think that began to change when i began to understand how God sees me (and i'm still at only the tip of the iceberg). like i said, it's a relief, it's a feeling like i'm moving in the right direction even though it's not "my" direction, a freedom in a sense. i'm definitely ready to get my hands dirty.

Friday, January 9, 2009

in with the new.

christmas and new year's have come and gone. 2008 went by so fast! i have to say, it went pretty mildly for me...

check out this awesome sweatshirt! eric hand sewed the applique...

(you can see the detail much better if you click the picture... as usual, i'm not very good at taking pics of things. good thing i never went through with that 'going to college for photography' thing!)

so that's one thing i got for christmas. eric outdid himself this year!

since this past fall i have been getting more and more involved with Peter's House, a homeless shelter run by my friend William. it's been really cool to see this project evolve, and i've come to a certain knowledge that my involvement has been no accident. a few months ago i came up with the idea of having someone from our church group fix a good, home-cooked meal for the home's Thursday night house meeting. i volunteered to get the ball rolling and at first we had only planned to provide the meal every-other Thursday due to my personal lack of funding and lack of people involved. i am happy to say that the idea has formed into a meal ministry of sorts in which we can provide food and fellowship. one of the other gals from church caught wind of the ministry and shared my enthusiasm for providing the house guests with a good solid meal, so with Natalee's help we are now able to serve a meal every thursday night! her family has donated food, her employer recently gave her like 20 cases of frozen cookie dough (dessert!), and a coworker of mine asked me if she could cook an upcoming meal for the house which i might add can hold up to 20 people. all things that prove to me that God is psyched about it.

which leads me to my next exciting tidbit... William, who runs Peter's House and owns the house itself, is letting Natalee and me transform the backyard into a garden! while hanging around the house the other day, i daydreamed of turning their backyard into a garden and teaching them to compost so that they could rely on their own backyard for good food rather than pantry food... when i mentioned this to Natalee, she jumped up and down (just like i do!) and said, "I just did that to my whole backyard last summer!" I was speechless! She also knows how to can, too. I brought the idea of gardening up to William and he was for it... so exciting! i can't wait for spring. everybody get ready for the Peter's House Garden of Eatin'!

classes resume next week. if things go as i have semi-planned them, i will graduate in the Spring of 2010. this is both relieving and daunting for me. lately i have been asking myself, "Can i really get a job speaking spanish? is a spanish degree enough to pay the bills?" i've said for a while now that i one day hope to help the people in my community who speak only Spanish, whether it be teaching English or doing some sort of social work. who knows, maybe one day Indy Alliance Church will have a Spanish service! i've had a great opportunity to practice spanish with a lady who cleans the doctor's office where i work. over the past few months i have gotten to know more about her and her family- right now she is off work as she is pregnant and due to give birth next month. i simply couldn't imagine going through childbirth in a country where i do not speak the language. yikes! i have made her some gifts and conveniently, her husband is filling in for her as he works as a landscaper and is out of work at the moment. tonight i spoke with him for what seemed like hours about mexico, his work as a truck driver, his family and the dangers they've faced to come to our country, and many other things. by the end of the night i had been invited to come to their house to dine on one of my favorite mexican dishes... pozole! after she has her baby and as much rest as she can get (since she's a mexican, she does not get much time off from her job...), will have a great dinner, polished off with an "American" dessert of my making. i'm excited :)