long dark blues

i have this little journal that i've been writing in off and on for the last four years in an attempt to document some of my spiritual walk. last night i wrote the following entry: " 11/26/08: Tonight I did a lot of internet surfing. I came across old journals and memories and writings, and through re-reading them, I really saw for the first time what a mess I was. I always knew that I had issues, but re-reading old poems, thoughts, and [online] journal entries of mine actually felt, in a way, disgusting. To look back at the person I used to be from that viewpoint actually makes my stomach churn. What's even scarier is that some of thsoe writings & thoughts are only a few years old! In a way I feel like I'm glancing over my shoulder as I run as quickly away as I can. I thank God so much for working in me & changing me- He only knows where I'd be today if not for His work in me. Scary! I am so thankful that i never have to go back to those places; t...

this photo was taken nearly two years ago at The Peggy Sues' very first show. As you can see, my hair is very dark brown in this picture. i particularly like this picture because i think the darkness of my hair compliments my fair skin and brings out my eyes. before this past spring, my hair had been 'dark' for nearly 8 years straight. i literally had not seen my natural hair color since the year 2000. recently i thought it might be good to give it a rest, so this past spring i got only highlights instead of all-over "brown." truthfully, the highlighted result is much closer to my natural haircolor and i've gotten many compliments on my current hair, which is always nice and appreciated, but... it just doesn't feel like "me." maybe it just became comfortable after 8 years of dark-headedness, but part of me really feels like a brunette... and that part of me feels really weird when i look in the mirror and see blonde. one thing is for sure....

dear reduced-fat cheezits, i'm sorry, but i'm breaking up with you. it's been fun munching on you while i drive, shoving handfuls of you into my mouth as i study, eating you one-at-a-time while i work on a new crochet project, but that fun-ness has worn off. our relationship has gone stale (pun intended). perhaps your addition of 10 pounds to my already 'curvy' figure had something to do with it. i'm sorry things had to end up this way ("it's not you, it's me..."). maybe i'll see you around next fall. sincerely, a more diet-concerned rachael

every year around this time i get crazy, cracked-out, pregnant-like cravings for reduced fat cheez-its. it's a little ridiculous. i'm not a snacky person, i like meals and maybe some fruit in between or at least something healthy... you will rarely see me snacking out of a bag of chips or box of cookies. until right about this time... it sounds crazy but my tongue tells me that every single activity i might have an interest in doing will be infinitely more enjoyable if i am eating cheez-its while doing so. sadly, sometimes it's true (insert sad "wah wah waaaah" noise here). of course this isnt helping my figure or my diet. i'm sure my kidneys are pretty pissed at me. i'm currently up to about a half-box a day! i can just see it now: intervention on the A&E channel- "i'm hooked on cheeze crackers"... a possibly healthier addiction i'm also dealing with is crocheting. i've mentioned it previously but something about fall j...

recently my pastor's wife Niccole and I decided we should start a stitch-n-bitch. i've been wanting to join one for a while and we have plenty of crafty ladies (and dudes) within our church body, so i was psyched to hear that Niccole would be willing to have the first official group night at her house ("are we gonna say 'bitch' at church?"). for anyone who doesnt know what a stitch-n-bitch is, it's usually a group of ladies (dudes can join!) who get together to crochet, knit, or do a similar craft activity and vent to each other. for someone who isn't married, with children, or a homeowner, this is my version of domestic bliss. while we only had 4 people in attendance, it was still lots of fun and a very satisfying way to spend a chilly fall evening. we dined on Pastor Danny's famous hot chocolate, peach crumble, chocolate chip cookies, and tea. I was inspired by my recent purchase of fingerless gloves, so i made these: i am still working on my c...

so within the last two years this awesome girl named amanda moved here from chicago, where they have an awesome handmade art event called Renegade Craft Fair . many have heard of it as it has become quite famous, and i've always wanted to go but never wanted to brave the drive to chicago. well, lo and behold, amanda brings to us hoosiers our own craft fair: Indieana Handicraft Exchange . i went last year and was so thrilled about it that i decided to have a booth at this year's event... unfortunately for me, that got put on hold when i became a full-time college student. however, i was bound and determined to get involved somehow, so i emailed amanda and asked her if i could get involved somehow. she put me to work with fliers and word-of-mouth advertising, and this past weekend when the event actually took place, i volunteered by cheerfully ushering patrons to the second gallery and giving vendors bathroom/lunch breaks. it was lots of fun and i'm already psyched for ...

sometimes i get really excited about new shoes. i'm such a nerd. tonight i found much peace through sipping chamomile tea, eating lemon poppyseed bread, and playing wordtwist- a game that is easy to get addicted to. its funny for me because almost all my life i've had little 'quirks' in my thinking...when i was little, if a song got caught in my head i had to hum it four times in a row before i could stop. i used to 'air type' words out in front of me. i used to spell words out in my head, one letter at a time, to the rhythm of songs on the radio. and now, thanks to wordtwist (brought to me by facebook), all those years of rearranging letters and words in my head can be put to great use. wheeee! i think i will play a few more games before i go watch michael moore's new documentary .