long dark blues

i have this little journal that i've been writing in off and on for the last four years in an attempt to document some of my spiritual walk. last night i wrote the following entry: " 11/26/08: Tonight I did a lot of internet surfing. I came across old journals and memories and writings, and through re-reading them, I really saw for the first time what a mess I was. I always knew that I had issues, but re-reading old poems, thoughts, and [online] journal entries of mine actually felt, in a way, disgusting. To look back at the person I used to be from that viewpoint actually makes my stomach churn. What's even scarier is that some of thsoe writings & thoughts are only a few years old! In a way I feel like I'm glancing over my shoulder as I run as quickly away as I can. I thank God so much for working in me & changing me- He only knows where I'd be today if not for His work in me. Scary! I am so thankful that i never have to go back to those places; t...

this photo was taken nearly two years ago at The Peggy Sues' very first show. As you can see, my hair is very dark brown in this picture. i particularly like this picture because i think the darkness of my hair compliments my fair skin and brings out my eyes. before this past spring, my hair had been 'dark' for nearly 8 years straight. i literally had not seen my natural hair color since the year 2000. recently i thought it might be good to give it a rest, so this past spring i got only highlights instead of all-over "brown." truthfully, the highlighted result is much closer to my natural haircolor and i've gotten many compliments on my current hair, which is always nice and appreciated, but... it just doesn't feel like "me." maybe it just became comfortable after 8 years of dark-headedness, but part of me really feels like a brunette... and that part of me feels really weird when i look in the mirror and see blonde. one thing is for sure....

dear reduced-fat cheezits, i'm sorry, but i'm breaking up with you. it's been fun munching on you while i drive, shoving handfuls of you into my mouth as i study, eating you one-at-a-time while i work on a new crochet project, but that fun-ness has worn off. our relationship has gone stale (pun intended). perhaps your addition of 10 pounds to my already 'curvy' figure had something to do with it. i'm sorry things had to end up this way ("it's not you, it's me..."). maybe i'll see you around next fall. sincerely, a more diet-concerned rachael