sister, daughter.

sister.

2010-08-31T20:56:00.002-04:00

i have a mini-project right now. i've been wanting to do something like 'this' for a while, just not exactly sure what 'this' is. something like a group of people writing encouraging letters to each other, like a penpal group? i just know that there are friends of mine who could use encouragement and prayer and if i can be a vessel, i'd be encouraged too...

life is slowly returning 'back to normal' and oddly, i'm not sure how to handle it! ive been trying to 'coach' myself into enjoying life again, saying 'its ok to be happy' here and there and to find peace again. i guess we really didn't know how bad this former living situation was until we were out of it, and now i want to slam that door shut and run like hell! God is so good in his provision and in the way he wants to bless us. i can't wait to grow into that person that he wants me to be and i feel like i'm getting closer and closer.

from darkness into light.

2010-08-15T15:40:00.002-04:00

things are finally starting to look up...

my last post was written from a pretty dark place. eric and i were both feeling very lost and hopeless for a while and it looked as though we might have to throw in the towel. God had other plans for us though, and through His provision we will be moving in to the apartment we looked at a few months ago which, by divine intervention, was still available (a serious miracle- the person who'd applied for it somehow got turned down). when we first looked at the place, we fell in love with it- it was in the area that i'd been wishing we lived in and it had everything we'd been wanting: more space, a dishwasher, and a balcony. i realize that doesn't sound like much, but in the DC area, a simple place like this is soo expensive (try $1025 monthly!) we thought it would be too expensive for us, and although we nicknamed it 'our dream apartment,' we forgot about it and planned to stay where we were. things got worse at our current apartment and we determined that God was prompting us to move out. so, without a new apartment lined up, we stepped out in faith and gave our 30-day notice to our landlord. shortly after, we applied for the 'dream apartment,' knowing full well that they would check with our current landlord (who has unreasonably badmouthed us to other tenants) and our employers to see how much money we make. miraculously, our landlord gave us a great reference, and the property manager approved us for the apartment even though we BARELY made enough money to meet the income requirement. i knew that if we were given the opportunity to move into this place, it was by God's hand and His desire to bless us...

right now we are packing and I'm sick, but I'm still very excited to move this weekend and be done with this awful apartment we've been stuck in for the last year. i'm more than excited at the thought that having a place to live in that we can enjoy will improve our experience here.

finally we can have space for a REAL bedroom and not a 10' by 10' box.
we can have a dining area and a living room and enough room for us BOTH to have 'studio space,' which means more artwork/sewing/crafts/printmaking/THERAPY.
we can have people over, and people can come visit and actually stay with us and not feel cramped.
we can have meals and drinks out on our own balcony.
we can walk A SINGLE BLOCK to the BEST farmer's market in the area (that is open year-round)!
we can ride our bikes to the store, or to one of the many restaurants down the street.
eric can ride his bike to school AND work and rely much less on the metro.
we can get involved in the thriving community that we will be living in.

yeah. i'm excited. and thankful that God pays any attention to us at all, let alone meets our needs in such awesome and beautiful ways.

pray me through.

2010-07-27T19:55:00.002-04:00

if you read this (if anyone reads this, really), please pray for us...

i'd mentioned in my previous post that i'm not a big fan of what i call "negative attention," meaning that i don't really like to throw myself a pity party, complain, etc. I really don't. but as you see here, i'm getting out of that comfort zone because, well, we need help. we need brothers and sisters. we need God. and it's been ridiculous of me to pretend that we didnt.

right now our living situation is at a crossroads. the place we've been living for the past year or so is no longer acceptable for us, for a few different reasons. we're stepping out in faith, choosing not to renew our lease for next year, and totally relying on God to lead us to a place that we can be comfortable and safe in. the cost of living here is sky high and a lot of places won't even consider our application unless we make a minimum income (which we usually don't), which kind of turns the whole apartment search into a game of chance. unfortunately, if we can't find a place to live, we'll have to come home to Indiana and Eric will have to finish his degree some other time (if they'll even let him return), having wasted his time and money here. our only other options besides somehow finding an apartment is to rent out a room somewhere, more than likely with strangers, or for me to go home and let him live in the dorms. obviously we'd prefer to find an apartment for ourselves, but it would take a miracle for us to find a clean, safe, comfortable place. we are totally relying on God to see this happen if it's His will...

a list.

2010-03-08T19:06:00.005-05:00

so i have this weird quirk where i fear 'negative attention.' like, i fear weird things like fainting in public places, getting injured in front of others, and having panic attacks in public because i don't want anyone to think something's "wrong with me". that being said, i haven't really had anything good to say about living in maryland for the last 6 months, so i kind of haven't said anything at all...! i guess i've somehow gotten to this place where i don't like to complain to others about my life situation out of that sort of fear, like 'if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.' i'm only bringing it up now because i am finally starting to enjoy being out here. it's been rough: new home, new jobs, new schools, being newlyweds, being far from family, etc., all without a church family or friends nearby to lean on. eric and i have both struggled with depression, stress, and anxiety with our new living situation. we have plenty of friends and family supporting us from afar, but it's obviously different. we've been to different churches and have tried to make friends and find community, but it's all been very strained with our schedules and our different ways of living. it's hard to believe how different cultures can be with 500 miles between them. we still don't feel like we can relate to most of the people and lifestyles in this area and are excited about coming home one day, hopefully with a degree for eric after all is said and done.

i've always been a list-maker and enjoy trying to see the positive in all things, so here's a list of all the things i am growing to enjoy about living here:

*sticky fingers vegan bakery and cafe
*another vegan cafe that is a short bike ride from our home
*being THISCLOSE to the metro and some great metro stops
*having so much to do and so close
*having a discount at the 32349080 whole foods stores near our home
*being near IKEA!
*my gym membership (even if i don't go)
*being close to the beach and the mountains
*small bars with awesome fries
*a million places to get good falafel
*smoothie king & bubble tea
*all the free museums and the free zoo
*the amish market
*the national mall
*tons of history
*bike-friendliness

...and hopefully this list will grow.

new buddy!

2009-10-19T18:12:00.002-04:00

i may have neglected to introduce this guy:

this is my new buddy/nephew wyatt. my brother patrick and his wife jennifer had him right before we moved out east. it was bittersweet to say the least! my first nephew and i barely got to see him :( i get pictures of him occasionally but i definitely feel like i'm missing out.

things are finally settling down for us, praise God! our apartment is coming together although we still have a few boxes here and there. we make weekly trips to ikea, which is like disneyland for me... i am such a sucker for affordable swedish design! we finally got Maryland insurance for our car as well as the license plates and my driver's license, all of which was similar to a root canal in terms of fun-- i had to remove all the window tint from our car for our car to pass the safety inspection. Maryland is such a party pooper sometimes.

we finally made a new friend and he happens to live about 10 feet away from us! his name is Tony and ironically he is in a hardcore band that is actually pretty good. he and Eric have a lot in common and I'm thankful that Eric has someone he can chat with and go to shows with. now i just need a gal pal who likes crafts!

we have a promising lead on finding a church. i had checked out a church on my own that's down the street from where we live and although it totally seemed 'doable,' i just didn't feel that familiar connection. my friend michelle got me in contact with a girl in our area who loves her church, and that looks really hopeful! i think once we have a church family, we will feel like that last puzzle piece is in place...

i am totally in domestic mode at the moment and enjoying being married. i really like my new job- i do check-in/check-out for a group of cardiologists who seem MUCH nicer than the folks at the last job, and i've decided that even though i work more than i'd like, work makes me feel 'functional.' i've been cooking and cleaning and decorating and just enjoying "playing house." i get so much fulfillment out of serving people, especially my husband. it's funny to me in a way because that quasi-feminist side of me never really wanted to 'wait' on someone, but the spiritual part of me enjoys being the 'helper.' i really enjoy the dynamic God created between a spiritual husband and wife and i'm thankful that it somehow just makes sense to my otherwise rebellious persona...

we made it!

2009-09-08T20:38:00.002-04:00

after several months of planning, researching, scrapping plans and starting over, we finally made it out east. we originally thought we'd settle in virginia as that's where most of the jobs in my field seemed to be as well as my current school (northern virginia community college), but God seems to have led us to college park, maryland, home of the university of maryland. after two prospective living situations fell through, we decided to check out a small apartment right on the green line metro (eric requires metro access for both work & school). the picture on craigslist looked fair enough, but when we got to the apartment to view it, we were honestly kind of disgusted- less than 500 square feet of room for the two of us with dated appliances and college kids both upstairs and down. at first, the only advantages to the place were 1) no minimum income requirement (most places we checked out wanted us to make at least $37,000 a year), and 2) literally RIGHT on the metro line- usually we'd have to take a bus or bike to a metro station, but here the station is literally about 100 feet from our house. really, those two points were what sold us on the place- we could afford it, the landlord was willing to let us sign a lease the day we saw it, and eric can get to class in 20 minutes by metro. granted, it reminds me of my very, very first apartment (yikes), but we honestly began to fall in love with it. it's cozy for sure and the kids downstairs are actually pretty sweet (all inviting us to play beer pong and sharing their wireless), not to mention there's an IKEA down the road! despite the parties and generally disrespectful college kids, it's actually a really cool area to live in because sooo many things are within walking/biking distance: five guys burgers, a bagel shop, starbucks, chipotle, subway, a chinese place, noodles and company, cold stone creamery, jason's deli, pizza, wings, sushi... you know how college campuses are.
eric was lucky enough to stay employed with whole foods, and he now works at one of the busiest locations in the nation. it's like an airport! i'm currently working with a group of neurosurgeons, doing the ol' 9-5 type deal again, every day. right now we dont have a lot of quality time to spend with each other, which is definitely an adjustment in terms of 'being married,' but we have lots of things we'd like to do in the area when we finally get 'settled.' there is so much to do here and DC is accessible within about 20 minutes! and so much is free! it's definitely not home quite yet, but it will surely be entertaining for the next two years or so...

married.

2009-08-14T12:13:00.003-04:00

it's official. on August 1st, 2009 I became Mrs. Rachael Dillard O'Dell. i'm still getting used to the name!

now, we must pack our 2 lives into one and move to Virginia within the next week. so much to do!

uncomfortable.

2009-07-19T13:02:00.002-04:00

my last post alluded to the fact that there is a lot going on in our lives. eric is working full time and going to class AND trying to help me plan a wedding. i am working full time, trying to plan a wedding, and trying to find a place for us to live a month from now. my brother and i recently flew out to Washington, DC for a few days to look at properties and check out the area. we thought we found a nice place for eric and i to live but for a few different reasons, that place may no longer be an option. so, here i am, thinking that the rigorous application process was for naught, feeling like i wasted a trip out east, wondering where the heck we are going to live in a few short weeks. our wedding is in two weeks and i'm trying my best to keep the stress of the living situation from ruining our wedding and honeymoon plans, but it's definitely weighty. neither eric nor i have ever had to be completely uprooted, let alone from one area's price of living to another area with a much higher price of living. it's daunting to say the least. i feel certain in my heart that God has a place set aside for us to live, a place that we can enjoy and nest in, and yet the stress of 'just finding it' is becoming overwhelming...

if you pray, please pray that God will lead us unmistakably to a safe, clean, enjoyable place to live in the DC area.

a mighty whirlwind

2009-07-01T15:14:00.002-04:00

a lot has been going on and normally i would be overwhelmed by it all, but to tell the truth, it all makes sense to me in a crazy way...

first of all, eric and i are getting married. we knew within about a week or two of our dating (which began about three years ago) that we were "right" for each other, that we would be good for one another in the way that God intended. we've been through some crazy ups and downs and im sure i can speak for both of us when i say that there is such a feeling of 'peace' and 'this makes sense' in our relationship. we even talked about getting married this fall and having a lovely fall-themed event... which brings me to the next item of interest. eric has been studying american sign language for the past two years and applied to gallaudet university in washington, DC just to see if he'd get in. backstory: gallaudet university is the only deaf university in the US. they only admit 20 hearing students a year to their ASL program. so if a hearing person obtains a degree from gallaudet university, they can pretty much do whatever they want in the interpreting field (it's like the 'harvard' or 'yale' of sign language schools). so... imagine our surprise when eric got in. he's 1 person out of 20 people across the whole nation that got into this extremely competitive program. holy crap, right? so... about two weeks after we get married, we're moving to washington, DC...

so as you can see, we do indeed have a lot going on. getting engaged, planning a wedding, participating in said wedding, packing, finding a place to live, moving, going to new schools... all within about 2 months' time. it's funny because eric and i would look at some of our friends' crazy lives and say, "maybe one day God will call us to live like that," and here we are, not knowing what kind of money we'll be able to live off of or where we'll be living in the next month and a half. but, it's been more than obvious to both of us that God's favor is upon us and our marriage, so there's a lot of peace to live off of there. now we must trust Him to carry us to the next life stage...

2009-06-13T01:55:00.000-04:00

so this one time three years ago, this boy told me a story about his mom and how she sometimes acts during church. we were standing on the top level of a parking garage-- we still barely knew each other and as he was telling me this story, he grabbed my hand and said,

"sometimes she grabs my hand in the middle of church service... like this."

my thoughts raced and the butterflies in my stomach nearly made me puke, but i somehow managed to find a true Rachael moment in it:

"did you just use that as an excuse to hold my hand?"

"uhh... yeah... heh..."

and that's a good indication of how charmingly things began for us. which brings us to now, to tonight, in which the boy in the photo and the boy in the story are the same, and all of us were together again on the same top level of the same parking garage, in the same spot even... except this time he asked me to marry him.

of course i said yes :)

the lighting's bad and i know you cant really read it on my face, but this boy makes me happier than i ever thought i'd be in this human life. i am so in love with him and who he is and who he's becoming. i'm grateful to God for bringing us together and more than excited to see what He has in store for us...

<3<3<3!!

Terebinth Spa/Brother, Sister Press

2009-05-16T16:11:00.003-04:00

my good friend Allie recently started her own business, Terebinth Spa, in which she offers a night of homemade, organic spa treatments for office, home, and church parties. doesn't this sound amazing? just talking about it makes me feel relaxed and peaceful. i went to a party she threw at her home and it was so much fun to munch on snacks and do some self-pampering with other ladies. if you know Allie at all, you already know what a peaceful, loving, nurting person she is- just being around her is a peaceful, sweet experience, so "allie + spa business" makes perfect sense to me. it's inspiring to see her act on her dreams and i'm excited to see what God has planned with her and her projects!

i too am hoping to get more involved with some dreams of mine, namely the little shop i opened on etsy.com... i love making all different kinds of things and i hope the summer break will help me to invest more time in those projects. i've also opened an etsy store with the intent of using it as a collective for the people in our church body who also enjoy making things but maybe dont have enough time/product to open a store of their own. it's actually a dream eric and i have shared since we started dating, to have a little collective/collaboration within the church body and to reach others in different, creative ways. i truly hope it will allow us to reach people and to grow both artistically and in terms of community. keep your eyes open for Brother, Sister Press!

a desire fulfilled is a tree of life

2009-05-09T20:52:00.002-04:00

i promise not to get too mushy, but... i cant resist posting this:

i love this boy a lot. he is the most beautiful, patient, sweet person i've ever met. we compliment each other in so many awesome ways. even though we've hurt each other a lot, we love each other a lot and i'm thankful that God has put us together as only He can-- to learn how to love another well and to show others God's love. Godly love doesnt give up or call it quits when things get rough, and that's a lesson i've needed to learn for a while. i'm thankful i got to learn it alongside the most beautiful person i know...

<3

provision, perception, presence.

2009-05-07T00:25:00.004-04:00

lately i have been very comforted by the Fullness of God. He is in control always, ordering all things for good. How silly it is of me to worry about anything...

"God provides for our needs and everything beyond that is a blessing."

i have been very busy with finals and unfortunately that has made it difficult for me to respond to amazing, amazing letters/emails/packages from friends. it's also been difficult to make time for God, whether that be time spent in the word or time just being mindful/connected. i've noticed that the less frequently i engage with the Spirit, the less frequently i perceive things correctly. while i'm not happy about this, it's definitely a cool lesson to learn. i am very thankful that my emotions do not always accurately reflect reality, and that that which i am feeling is not necessarily truth. i will be very relieved when i am done with school for the semester and can focus more energy on being part of the community and growing closer in my relationship with God.

as for my previous bloggery... God really is kicking some ass, blowing my mind, showing me some amazing, amazing things... i'm so thankful for the ways God loves me and wants to bless me. i'm thankful that He knows the true, deep desires of my heart and brings them to life in ways i never expected. i have such a burden to see others come to know God as i have and to reside in His truth-- it has been absolutely life-changing for me and i desire so much to see others experience this kind of joy, peace, and love in their own lives...

mind, blown.

2009-04-28T01:11:00.002-04:00

do you ever get so psyched about what God is doing that you just can't contain it?

i just have to say... GOD IS KICKING SOME SERIOUS ASS.

confirmation is so freakin' awesome! holy crap, dude, God loves me a lot!

i pray pray pray that the people i care about will come to know God like i know him, and even moreso...

sorry to anyone who doesn't want to hear about Jesus-type stuff. it's kinda my life anymore, and i'm fine (even psyched) with it.

rooted in love.

2009-04-25T23:25:00.002-04:00

i am pretty excited to meet the person God has created me to be. i have had glimpses of this person in the past but was never comfortable with her enough to let her stick around. for a person who has struggled with self-esteem issues lifelong, this is both challenging and comforting. i've dealt with all those typical 'girl' issues in life- being pretty/skinny/smart enough- and i'm so glad that God calls us to a higher place in life, a place where God is bigger than those issues. when i see myself through the lens of God's truth, i get really excited because i actually like that version of me, and the old version of me who wants to please and be loved by everyone is really very tired. in God i have realized that i am smart, loving, loveable, worthwhile, sensitive, understanding, sweet, charming, talented, wise, beautiful, and good. those last two are probably the hardest for me to say because i've had such issues with seeing myself as either of them- i always thought i had to be pretty and nice for people to love me, and i struggled with being either of those through different times in my life. i've felt ugly and mean, in fact i've felt downright horribly about myself; i've thought that i was unlovable in my messy state. how untrue this is! i am so thankful that God has shown me how much He loves me and accepts me as i am and gives me all that i need to become all that He has created me to be. when i catch a glimpse of His truth and see things with Godly perception, it blows my mind!

Acts 2:42-47

2009-04-22T13:16:00.002-04:00

The Fellowship of the Believers

[42]And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. [43]And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. [44]And all who believed were together and had all things in common. [45]And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. [46]And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, [47]praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

this passage really lays on my heart in a way that makes me want to get my hands dirty. brothers and sisters, let's make community happen, let's get messy, let's see what God has in store for us.

month 1.

2009-04-19T14:29:00.003-04:00

it's been about a month since march 18th. i know being vague is just *so mysterious* and what not, but it will suffice to say that march 18th of 2009 was probably one of the worst days of my life. i continue to say "bleh!" in it's general direction. but! my point is that it's been a month. a month of ups and downs and highs and lows and tears and peace. i'm glad to look back and see 31 days between myself and that awful place. to be honest, everything that has happened has been worthwhile, even the hard parts. i know that there are things happening in my life that wouldn't have happened otherwise...

one of those things that i am especially thankful for is my growing love for others. God had been laying on my heart a need to be with others in community, and although i shared His desire, i just didn't know how to make it happen in myself. God is truly loving me through others and challenging me to find out what it means to have true brothers and sisters. before this, i had no idea how much i really needed a family in the body of Christ- for so long i've distanced myself from people, afraid of being hurt or not being 'accepted.' i've learned that because i am truly accepted by God, i can be accepted by others and accept them in return. being hidden in Christ is a great comfort to me, and i am still only at the tip of the iceberg in terms of understanding how God sees and loves me. for me, this is all very necessary and exciting stuff to be learning! i know that we only know in part, but i feel that God has given me huge amounts of understanding in terms of how He's working in my life and around me, and that is such a huge blessing, especially for someone who always likes to have the answers.

"...our darkest nights are days to You..."
(mewithoutyou)

i said good day.

2009-04-13T22:11:00.002-04:00

today was the first good day i've had since march 17th.

i woke up early and went to take a test at school. did well despite the perpetual dark cloud that's been hovering above me for the past few days. came 'home' (i've been living with my pastor Danny and his wife Niccole for a few weeks) and intended to read/pray/fall asleep for the rest of the day when Niccole knocked on my door and asked me to go to Tea's Me (awesome tea cafe with amazing BLT's/pastor Danny's unofficial 'office') with her- can't turn down a pot of hot amazing naturally sweetened tea on a rainy day. we go. it's still raining and cold when we go in. we sit by the fireplace, drinking champagne oolong and munching our delicious sandwiches. i ask her advice about current life situations. she tells me some things i need to hear. we talk about friends, life, church, conflict ("carefrontation"?), hope, pain, vision. i get fed in more ways than one. i purchase some delicious vanilla honeybush rooibos and japanese cherry green tea. we leave, and it's still horrible weather yet i don't seem to mind anymore. we drive slowly through fall creek neighborhoods and ooh and ahh over cute homes that are for sale. we shop at ridiculously overpriced omalia's for meals for the week. we head home and decide to go to big lots instead. we look at cute furniture and garden things. niccole picks out a table for a craft project. i buy some lotion, some bargain-priced yerba mate soda, some soup, and more tea soda. i remember why i love big lots so much. we leave. we arrive 'home' to find a mysterious pink box on the dining room table- danny announces he has an amazing present for all of us from the flying cupcake- three cupcakes of different flavors, including my current favorite- red velvet elvis. danny divvies each cupcake up into three parts so that we can each sample. i clap my hands with giddiness and gobble up the not-too-sweet gourmet deliciousness and finish it off with a cup of my newly acquired japanese cherry tea. niccole and i make a run to the library where i put some books on hold for a research project. we return 'home.' all three of us together watch the chronicles of narnia and eat a delicious dinner of grilled shrimp salad with fresh tomatoes and clementines. i finish mine off with a dish of tart mango frozen yogurt. chronicles of narnia ends and i feel spiritually inspired. i decide to take an amazing hot bath and have some 'me' time. now i am here, having finished an awesome journal entry for today (both online and in my 'holy spirit journal'), with a hot cup of vanilla honeybush rooibos, ready to drift off into a restful slumber after some quiet time with the Lord...

ive said before that i fully believe that God speaks to us in very personal ways. i believe today was a true breakthrough for me, an answer to prayer, and a gift from God. the last few days had been difficult and i felt i couldn't see around current life situations- today i feel like i had my vision restored. God answered so many prayers for me today in so many ways that i cant even explain it... it just proves to me how much He cares about me and hears my prayers. I'm thankful to serve a God that loves me well.

thankful heart

2009-04-11T23:45:00.003-04:00

about two years ago or so i was at a very dark place spiritually. i wanted badly to connect with God, yet felt that I couldn't find him anywhere. i wanted to worship Him and praise Him and yet I couldn't find the peace to do those things, so I began to pray that God would give me a thankful heart. i am so thankful that He answered that prayer because today, even though i am struggling with some trials and tribulations, i can easily find things to be thankful for:

-wisdom
-understanding
-Godly perception
-knowledge
-friends, brothers, and sisters
-patience
-mercy & grace
-forgiveness
-the living word
-being called
-the Holy Spirit
-newness
-redemption
-freedom in truth
-peace
-growth

this is just the tip of the iceberg. sometimes i find myself thanking God for the same things over and over throughout the day, in awe of all that God does for me and all that He provides for me. i am truly thankful to be thankful.

great lake swimmers

2009-04-08T02:18:00.002-04:00

a few months ago i realized after the fact that one of my favorite bands, great lake swimmers, had played in indianapolis. i was bummed that i didnt get to see them, but even more bummed that i am officially 'out of the loop' as far as what's going on in the music world (note: i typed 'music scene' and then immediately BACKSPACE- the word 'scene' leaves such a bad taste in my mouth).

my playlist as of late definitely reflects my more contemplative state. sometimes i get in these moods where only a few bands can really 'get me' and i end up listening to only those few bands. here is a sampling of my latest favorites:

great lake swimmers:
river's edge
rocky spine
changing colours

first aid kid:
you're not coming home tonight
jagadamba, you might
i met up with the king

reindeer section:
you are my joy
budapest

here's the rest:
page france- jesus
david byrne & dirty projectors- knotty pine
new pornographers- use it
american analog set- promise of love
bangs- i want more
riverboat gamblers- a choppy yet sincere apology
sham 69- borstal breakout

one of my degree requirements in liberal arts is to take 5 upper-level classes outside my major. fortunately for me, there just so happens to be a class on rock music in the 70's and 80's, aka, 'my whole childhood'- with my dad being a musician, i more or less grew up on this stuff! its a really fun class and right now we're studying punk rock, which has brought about a renewed interest in some of my crustier musical preferences- MC5, iggy pop, television, new york dolls, etc... can you believe i get a grade to identify these bands? now if only someone could teach a class on early 21st century emo... just kidding :)

all joy.

2009-03-27T22:28:00.002-04:00

something that i've been especially thankful to learn in my walk with Christ is how to be joyful in my trials and tribulation. i can't say i'm good at it or that it doesn't hurt still, but i've been blessed with mountain-moving faith in this area. the past few weeks have been difficult; i've had to deal with one thing after another- deaths in the family, as well as an especially painful event that i never, ever imagined would transpire in my life. but! i am still here. i am still believing. in fact, i am believing that God can and will take all this awfulness and bring something truly amazing up out of it. He has already changed me in ways that i could not change myself, even though i wanted to so badly. i believe that i am lucky to serve a God who is faithful even when i am not, a God who loves me regardless of how poorly i may love others, a God who loves me enough to turn my ways from the grave, and a God who loves me enough to discipline me. i am learning patience, hope, longsuffering, and love, and even though it is painful, it is priceless.

oh, and i'm 27 now! yuck! at least i got a new ipod touch out of it.

venting over rude drivers.

2009-03-02T23:42:00.003-05:00

will someone tell me what is up with rude drivers? this is my biggest pet peeve. i used to have some pretty bad anger issues, and i honestly feel like i have a handle on all my old triggers EXCEPT for rude drivers! like, it's totally okay to cut someone off or ride their tail because there are vehicular bodies between you- since you aren't face to face, in the flesh, it's OK to drive like a jerk! at least that's what people seem to think. people are always tailing me on my way home from school, like im just going waaaaaay toooo slooow, but hello, im doing 75 mph in a 70 zone. i figure thats safe enough but nooooooo, dudebrah's SUV isn't emitting enough toxins at this speed, so i either gotta move out of the way or speed up. what happens if i do neither? i have to admit i kinda like pissing people off in this way. if i just stay in my comfy 75 mph zone and play dumb, eventually i'll get the brights flashed at me or they'll wise up and go around. i prefer they do the latter obviously, which is what they should have done when they realized i wasn't 'up to their speed.'

i say all this because this happened tonight, some dude in a sparkly white car with illinois plates slowly crept up on my butt and then flashed me his brights- mind you there is only FEET between us and there's plenty of room for him to pass me. so i stay put. he eventually passes me but i was so pissed that i gave him the bird. it's been a really long time since i've flipped someone off- i immediately felt like i was in trouble and the following conversation occurred between me and God:

me: "sorry, God..."
God: "you're not sorry for flipping him off. you're just sorry that you got caught."
me: "yeah. you're right."
God: "it's not my fault that guy drives like a jerk."

some heavy pondering occurred after this conversation. was i in some sense taking out my anger on God? it didn't seem so, but it was true that in expressing my anger in an ungodly manner was against God's wishes... very interesting.

feelin' the pinch.

2009-02-23T20:09:00.003-05:00

i was very irritated today to realize that someone had stolen my calculus textbook from my car. at first i thought that someone must be really bored to be stealing textbooks, but when i realized that i'd have to pay $146 to replace the dang thing, i wasn't all that surprised. obviously i haven't been able to keep up with homework or study for quizzes, so i'm not making the best grades, but to make matters worse, money is really tight. i have enough money to buy a new book if i need to, but from here on out, things will be tight and will get tighter. as far as our household, dad still has no work, mom is no longer allowed to work overtime, and i'm more or less living off school loans. i knew the time would come when we'd have to seriously scale back on 'luxuries,' and i've been telling myself that i'd do fine when that time came, but lately i find myself spending money on groceries left and right with raw food experiments and what not. i had to have a semi-revelation recently about how much i spend on things i dont need, which is a lesson that i thought i knew well enough but has proven otherwise. i'm certainly willing to learn and i'm somewhat excited by the challenge of spending ONLY what needs to be spent...

speaking of raw food experiments, i concocted these cookies the other day:

Raw Carob Banana Chewies
equipment needed: food dehydrator
1 banana, mashed
1/8 C raw carob powder
1/4 C raw organic oats
1/2 C chopped walnuts

Mash banana well. Mix in carob until a pudding-like consistency forms. Add oats, mix well. Stir in walnuts. Drop by spoonfulls onto fruit roll tray, drying screen, or dehydrator tray. Dry in food dehydrator at 105 degrees for 6-8 hours or until dry.

these were good but i think i'm going to add in a little more spice next time, maybe some cinnamon or ginger. yum!

i've been eating a 60% raw diet the past three days and aside from some protein issues, it feels pretty awesome. i think smoothies are my new kryptonite, especially with some acai berry puree. today i had raw tacos for lunch (lettuce for shells w/ "taco nut meat", "black pepper cheeze" made from cashews, heirloom tomatoes, and yellow bell peppers. pr'y dang good!

lol @ e.d.o.

2009-02-16T02:22:00.004-05:00

isn't he cute?

tonight i got really frustrated with him. like, i-could-wring-your-neck frustrated. we've been going to the same (small) church for three years now, with the same 20 or so people, and somehow he still doesn't seem to know any of their names. these are people we hang out with on a weekly basis! people we are friends with! it escapes me!

anyhow, after voicing my concern of his name-memorization skills, we went to whole foods, where he had the perfect chance to make fun of my memorization skills ("what's that stuff called? oh yeah, guacamole"). i think it's completely perfect that i have a relationship in which my significant other can make fun of me and i respond with ROFL-style laughter.

he sure does drive me nuts some days, but i can't stay mad at a face like that. i'm a sucker :)

score!

2009-02-04T23:32:00.002-05:00

eric just left me a voicemail stating the his employer, Whole Foods, is going to be collecting and donating produce to the Peter's House meal ministry on a weekly basis!

FANTASTIC.

new ears

2009-02-04T00:12:00.002-05:00

i just bought these custom-made from etsy... and am eagerly awaiting the postman's arrival!

food addict

2009-02-01T12:08:00.002-05:00

you can't tell anymore, but for a good 3 years or so i was vegan. i was very meticulous about what foods i ate and was always checking the ingredients label to make sure i was eating what i wanted. i was probably at my healthiest (and skinniest!) at that point in my life; i remember once i shocked my doctor when she took a blood test and found that my cholesterol was 27- i suppose you'll have that when you're not eating any animal products. anyhow... slowly i became lazy, decided i really loved kraft mac 'n' cheese, and eventually began eating meat again as well, which brings us to today- today i have very little discipline when it comes to my diet. i am a sucker for steak 'n' shake fries dipped in honey mustard, and i believe that the culver's down the street has the city's best cheeseburgers. truth be told, i am a sucker for "American" food- pizza, fries, 'fair food', ice cream, hotdogs, burgers, etc... and yet i loathe them at the same time because i know they're so unhealthy for me.

last week i spent some time at my friend allie's house where she and i discussed her inclination towards raw food. she mentioned her belief that God intended for us to consume food in this manner, at it's peak of nutrition. something about that conversation stuck with me, and i remembered how i used to feel about factory farms and pesticides and chemicals and processed foods. after our convo she had me help her make some raw guacamole and i surprised by how easy (and delicious) it was. ironically i had been reading a cookbook called "Super Natural Cooking" by Heidi Swanson (which i highly recommend). it talks about the healthier forms of food that are available to us and why we shouldn't be eating such processed/chemicalized version of those foods. this is something that is actually very important to me and through reading this book i truly realized how lazy i'd become with my eating habits. after reading this book and talking with allie, i felt that it was high time i began to re-think my diet; not only did i feel awful about what i ate, but i've gained weight and other maladies, most of which could be chalked up to poor food choices coupled with lack of exercise.

ironically, this topic was brought up a few more times through the week, through books i'd found at my house and conversations with other people. honestly, i feel like God is challenging me to change my eating habits, which is strange to me- has God challenged anyone else in this manner? perhaps He desires that i see my body in a different way than i have been, which is something i struggle with anyhow...

i'm slowly trying to incorporate healthier foods into my diet. last night i went to whole foods to see eric and buy some fresh produce and a sugar substitute. right now i'm making my own raisins and dried mangoes, sipping on some yerba mate. can i really swear off coffee? we shall see.

goin' against yr mind

2009-01-27T23:32:00.002-05:00

i realize this is going to sound ridiculous, but every now and then during the process of waking up in the morning, i find myself humming a song that was in my dream. in my dreams i can write the most amazing stuff! but when i fully wake up, the song is long gone. sometimes as im dreaming lucidly i even try to sing out loud in an attempt to remember melodies. i remember once when i was in about 6th grade or so, i woke up singing, "i wanna go to jupiter, to jupiter, to jupiter..." of course i have no idea what the lyrics meant but for a 6th grader the melody was pretty impressive.

do you ever come across songs that you think are just "genius"? it's hard for me to explain, but every now and then i encounter a song that just makes a lot of sense musically. i think i discovered Built to Spill's "Goin' Against Your Mind" over a year ago and it is definitely one song that i will never, ever get sick of. i'm pretty sure that if there was a constant soundtrack to my life, this song would play a few times. the whole thing's just pure genius, kinda mind-blowing for me really. doug martsch is seriously underrated.

(if you click the link it will take you to the band's website, where the song should start playing.)

at peace

2009-01-21T23:01:00.004-05:00

lately i have been feeling very content, very happy with where i am in life. i think somewhere over the past few years i began to feel a great dischord between where my life was and where i wanted my life to be, if that makes any sense, and i can say with great relief that that period is behind me. lately through working at peter's house and just milling through daily life, i have come to feel as though God is truly using me, and for me that is the ultimate goal. i am definitely not perfect nor have i "arrived," but things are good. i've noticed that when i go to peter's house to hang out with the homeless folks, i genuinely care about them. i mother over them. i enjoy dishing out plates of food for them. and i dont feel endangered, even though the house is located in one of the worst areas of the city. the house truly has a peaceful feeling about it, and i get a great blessing from providing these folks with a healthy, home-cooked meal. i am 100% certain that that is where God wants me, with people who are broken like me.

i've also had a glimpse of where my "career" (if you can call it that) may be going. i have become friends with the Mexican lady who cleans my workplace after hours. i've been really grateful for the opportunity to practice my spanish with her, and today she told me that she understands 90% of what i say. for me this is awesome! i certainly get flustered from time to time and forget a word or use the wrong tense and she'll patiently finish my sentences for me. her husband was with her today and just having a conversation with them in their native language was a real blessing; i think i get some sort of high off of being able to communicate with others in a situation where there might normally be a language barrier. i guess it makes me feel like i can relate to a person even more, and i feel that's my purpose in life- to relate to others, to join them on their level (whatever it may be), to show them Christ's love.

it's certainly a relief to feel like God can use me. at certain times in my life i have felt as though i'd screwed up too much, that i was "too [something]" for God to use me, and i think that began to change when i began to understand how God sees me (and i'm still at only the tip of the iceberg). like i said, it's a relief, it's a feeling like i'm moving in the right direction even though it's not "my" direction, a freedom in a sense. i'm definitely ready to get my hands dirty.

in with the new.

2009-01-09T00:40:00.004-05:00

christmas and new year's have come and gone. 2008 went by so fast! i have to say, it went pretty mildly for me...

check out this awesome sweatshirt! eric hand sewed the applique...

(you can see the detail much better if you click the picture... as usual, i'm not very good at taking pics of things. good thing i never went through with that 'going to college for photography' thing!)

so that's one thing i got for christmas. eric outdid himself this year!

since this past fall i have been getting more and more involved with Peter's House, a homeless shelter run by my friend William. it's been really cool to see this project evolve, and i've come to a certain knowledge that my involvement has been no accident. a few months ago i came up with the idea of having someone from our church group fix a good, home-cooked meal for the home's Thursday night house meeting. i volunteered to get the ball rolling and at first we had only planned to provide the meal every-other Thursday due to my personal lack of funding and lack of people involved. i am happy to say that the idea has formed into a meal ministry of sorts in which we can provide food and fellowship. one of the other gals from church caught wind of the ministry and shared my enthusiasm for providing the house guests with a good solid meal, so with Natalee's help we are now able to serve a meal every thursday night! her family has donated food, her employer recently gave her like 20 cases of frozen cookie dough (dessert!), and a coworker of mine asked me if she could cook an upcoming meal for the house which i might add can hold up to 20 people. all things that prove to me that God is psyched about it.

which leads me to my next exciting tidbit... William, who runs Peter's House and owns the house itself, is letting Natalee and me transform the backyard into a garden! while hanging around the house the other day, i daydreamed of turning their backyard into a garden and teaching them to compost so that they could rely on their own backyard for good food rather than pantry food... when i mentioned this to Natalee, she jumped up and down (just like i do!) and said, "I just did that to my whole backyard last summer!" I was speechless! She also knows how to can, too. I brought the idea of gardening up to William and he was for it... so exciting! i can't wait for spring. everybody get ready for the Peter's House Garden of Eatin'!

classes resume next week. if things go as i have semi-planned them, i will graduate in the Spring of 2010. this is both relieving and daunting for me. lately i have been asking myself, "Can i really get a job speaking spanish? is a spanish degree enough to pay the bills?" i've said for a while now that i one day hope to help the people in my community who speak only Spanish, whether it be teaching English or doing some sort of social work. who knows, maybe one day Indy Alliance Church will have a Spanish service! i've had a great opportunity to practice spanish with a lady who cleans the doctor's office where i work. over the past few months i have gotten to know more about her and her family- right now she is off work as she is pregnant and due to give birth next month. i simply couldn't imagine going through childbirth in a country where i do not speak the language. yikes! i have made her some gifts and conveniently, her husband is filling in for her as he works as a landscaper and is out of work at the moment. tonight i spoke with him for what seemed like hours about mexico, his work as a truck driver, his family and the dangers they've faced to come to our country, and many other things. by the end of the night i had been invited to come to their house to dine on one of my favorite mexican dishes... pozole! after she has her baby and as much rest as she can get (since she's a mexican, she does not get much time off from her job...), will have a great dinner, polished off with an "American" dessert of my making. i'm excited :)

bendiciones!

sigh of relief

2008-12-19T13:41:00.002-05:00

finally, all four finals are done. i got three A's and one B, the B being in math, which i hate, so i'm pretty pleased. christmas shopping is over too, thank God. i must say i'm pretty bummed because i had originally planned to make all my gifts this year but then i realized i'd be short on time due to school and had absolutely no idea what to make the guys on my list, so i buckled and shopped. oh well, i think everyone will be pleased with their giftings and that's important to me.

i'm feeling very pleased about school at the moment. i did some calculating and determined that, if i continue taking 4 classes a semester and take two classes each summer term (four in all) that i will graduate spring of 2010. this is a much more specific 'end in sight' for me, so i'm excited. it would be fantastic if i could somehow cram more classes into my schedule and finish earlier but i'm not sure i could handle the stress.

tonight eric and i are going to That Fun Place, which is greenfield's version of chuck e cheese. that's right, we're playing ski-ball and eating pizza and if we're lucky we'll jump in the ball pit. we're such kids sometimes. tomorrow i'm going to my girlfriend allie's house to lunch on pizza and make homemade spa gifts to give to friends and family. i love that girl, we have the same heart in many ways.

next week is christmas! who knew? it creeps up so fast. i'm very excited for christmas eve where eric and i exchange gifts and my family watches movies and drinks holiday beverages and eats finger foods and plays games into the night. best part of the holiday season.

merry christmas, y'all!

carry through

2008-12-11T18:30:00.002-05:00

despite much stress, i am still more or less "happy." i'm enjoying colder weather and the friends it brings- warm beverages, baking, homemade candy, fingerless gloves, presents, craft time, etc. last week we had our annual christmas party at work, and when i got my present, i couldn't tell if it was candy or fake vomit. one of the doctors assured me it was homemade peanut brittle, even if laying the sheet candy flat on the floor looked 'suspicious'... last night was our church's christmas party. for the white elephant exchange, i gave away my copy of Sister Act on VHS that i watched incessantly when i was about 11 or so. i got a crystal chip n dip on a lazy susan that i gave to my mom that had been through a few rounds of re-gifting. it was a fair trade.
i've been taking some anxiety medication to help with the clenching of my jaw, and thank God for that, because if i wasnt i might start to buckle under the sobering realities that flock to my household. large ER bills, no insurance, dad still being out of work, mom's exhaustion, my (current) lack of money, etc... it is indeed "sobering," but my faith carries me through. i've always been a fan of living below my means and i am, in a sense, excited to find new ways to define that. i just hope my parents can share in that somehow.

write it down

2008-11-28T01:41:00.003-05:00

i have this little journal that i've been writing in off and on for the last four years in an attempt to document some of my spiritual walk. last night i wrote the following entry:

"11/26/08:
Tonight I did a lot of internet surfing. I came across old journals and memories and writings, and through re-reading them, I really saw for the first time what a mess I was. I always knew that I had issues, but re-reading old poems, thoughts, and [online] journal entries of mine actually felt, in a way, disgusting. To look back at the person I used to be from that viewpoint actually makes my stomach churn. What's even scarier is that some of thsoe writings & thoughts are only a few years old! In a way I feel like I'm glancing over my shoulder as I run as quickly away as I can. I thank God so much for working in me & changing me- He only knows where I'd be today if not for His work in me. Scary! I am so thankful that i never have to go back to those places; that God offers us freedom, even/especially from ourselves. I have been through some crazy things in my life, and if there's one thing that I've learned from dealing w/ all those crazy things, it's that God is always working things out for our good and that He is always to be trusted."

A little over a year ago I began to realize that my thought patterns were not good. I often found myself thinking things that I normally wouldnt choose to think- angry, negative, cynical, bitter, and sad things, to mention a few. Some of those things about God himself. I realized that that wasn't God's plan for me, yet I had no clue how to fix it, so I began to pray for the exact things that I lacked at that time: gratitude towards God, joy, and peace. I can happily and victoriously say today that, through much trusting and counseling, I have all three. It is always so cool to see how God really and truly listens to our prayers and works all things for our good. For the first time in a very long time, I feel true peace and happiness, and it's not because things are "how i want them to be" in my life; it's really because I finally learned and understood that God is 100% on my side, always hearing my prayers, always working things out for my good, always meeting my needs.

I'm sad that i spent so many years being the person i thought i wanted to be. The truth is that i spent so long with that version of myself that i'm not entirely sure of who i am. I feel at times like i barely know myself, which in turn makes it hard for others to know me as well. eric deals with this issue as well unfortunately, but in a way it's kind of neat that we can deal with this together. i'm thankful for him and i know that if i can just continue to put myself and 'old ways' aside, eric and i can bring out the best in each other, and that is exciting. i'm pretty psyched about the vision God has given me for our church and for what eric and i can do for Him...

the battle of dark and light

2008-11-24T00:13:00.003-05:00

this photo was taken nearly two years ago at The Peggy Sues' very first show. As you can see, my hair is very dark brown in this picture. i particularly like this picture because i think the darkness of my hair compliments my fair skin and brings out my eyes. before this past spring, my hair had been 'dark' for nearly 8 years straight. i literally had not seen my natural hair color since the year 2000. recently i thought it might be good to give it a rest, so this past spring i got only highlights instead of all-over "brown." truthfully, the highlighted result is much closer to my natural haircolor and i've gotten many compliments on my current hair, which is always nice and appreciated, but... it just doesn't feel like "me." maybe it just became comfortable after 8 years of dark-headedness, but part of me really feels like a brunette... and that part of me feels really weird when i look in the mirror and see blonde.

one thing is for sure. spending $8 on a bottle of colorant from Sally's Beauty Supply and doing it yourself definitely beats paying $100 for someone else to do it for you! i cringe every time i get my hair done at the salon; how on earth can i justify spending such a large amount of money on my HAIR when i have friends who need shoes? the girl who does my hair does an excellent job for sure, don't get me wrong, but i think my priorities need some re-examining...

it's nice to know i'm growing :)

thank God that's over!

2008-11-04T22:13:00.002-05:00

dear reduced-fat cheezits,

i'm sorry, but i'm breaking up with you. it's been fun munching on you while i drive, shoving handfuls of you into my mouth as i study, eating you one-at-a-time while i work on a new crochet project, but that fun-ness has worn off. our relationship has gone stale (pun intended). perhaps your addition of 10 pounds to my already 'curvy' figure had something to do with it. i'm sorry things had to end up this way ("it's not you, it's me..."). maybe i'll see you around next fall.

sincerely,
a more diet-concerned rachael

addiction: crochet and cheez-its

2008-10-28T01:23:00.004-04:00

every year around this time i get crazy, cracked-out, pregnant-like cravings for reduced fat cheez-its. it's a little ridiculous. i'm not a snacky person, i like meals and maybe some fruit in between or at least something healthy... you will rarely see me snacking out of a bag of chips or box of cookies. until right about this time... it sounds crazy but my tongue tells me that every single activity i might have an interest in doing will be infinitely more enjoyable if i am eating cheez-its while doing so. sadly, sometimes it's true (insert sad "wah wah waaaah" noise here). of course this isnt helping my figure or my diet. i'm sure my kidneys are pretty pissed at me. i'm currently up to about a half-box a day! i can just see it now: intervention on the A&E channel- "i'm hooked on cheeze crackers"...

a possibly healthier addiction i'm also dealing with is crocheting. i've mentioned it previously but something about fall just makes me want to crank out cozy, handmade items. i've already made a pair of fingerless gloves and started another pair, but tonight i finished a "mobius strip cowl scarf" as i am calling it. it's basically a big crocheted tube with a single twist, hence the mobius reference:

i guess it's a good thing i'm not in the photography business as i once hoped to be... my pictures never turn out great. anyhow... as you can see, the scarf goes around my neck and twists under my chin, just enough to hide it in a coat and keep me cozy. this was sooo easy to make! and i love the green. i plan on making more for gifts... possibly with fingerless gloves to match! wheeee!

stitch-n-bitch

2008-10-23T14:28:00.004-04:00

recently my pastor's wife Niccole and I decided we should start a stitch-n-bitch. i've been wanting to join one for a while and we have plenty of crafty ladies (and dudes) within our church body, so i was psyched to hear that Niccole would be willing to have the first official group night at her house ("are we gonna say 'bitch' at church?"). for anyone who doesnt know what a stitch-n-bitch is, it's usually a group of ladies (dudes can join!) who get together to crochet, knit, or do a similar craft activity and vent to each other. for someone who isn't married, with children, or a homeowner, this is my version of domestic bliss. while we only had 4 people in attendance, it was still lots of fun and a very satisfying way to spend a chilly fall evening. we dined on Pastor Danny's famous hot chocolate, peach crumble, chocolate chip cookies, and tea. I was inspired by my recent purchase of fingerless gloves, so i made these:

i am still working on my crocheting skills, so they are a little wacky in places, but extremely useful. i plan on making another pair with this yarn that i bought while in bloomington recently:

the picture doesn't do it justice at all. the color is much more rich and warm, even spicy/fiery. oh well. you will just have to see the finished product in person.

indieana handicraft exchange & new bike

2008-10-09T01:46:00.009-04:00

so within the last two years this awesome girl named amanda moved here from chicago, where they have an awesome handmade art event called Renegade Craft Fair. many have heard of it as it has become quite famous, and i've always wanted to go but never wanted to brave the drive to chicago. well, lo and behold, amanda brings to us hoosiers our own craft fair: Indieana Handicraft Exchange. i went last year and was so thrilled about it that i decided to have a booth at this year's event... unfortunately for me, that got put on hold when i became a full-time college student. however, i was bound and determined to get involved somehow, so i emailed amanda and asked her if i could get involved somehow. she put me to work with fliers and word-of-mouth advertising, and this past weekend when the event actually took place, i volunteered by cheerfully ushering patrons to the second gallery and giving vendors bathroom/lunch breaks. it was lots of fun and i'm already psyched for next year.

here's what i bought:

(awesome handknit fingerless gloves)

(orange-ology tea from Herb and Ginger- i bought some of their )apple tea last year too... soo good! they ran out of a special christmas blend but i ordered some anyway... i'm a tea freak)

(a screenprinted bandanna i got for eric from Mythdemeanor!)

(i bought the "love more" and "give more" buttons from Sweetie Pie Press)

i also bought some gingersnap lip balm from In A Lather.

in other news, i can't sleep, i'm battling an addiction to garlic bread, and i bought a new bike:

eric and i will hopefully repaint it and replace the seat and tires, and add a book rack. any paint color suggestions?

new shoes!

2008-10-02T22:54:00.003-04:00

sometimes i get really excited about new shoes. i'm such a nerd.

tonight i found much peace through sipping chamomile tea, eating lemon poppyseed bread, and playing wordtwist- a game that is easy to get addicted to. its funny for me because almost all my life i've had little 'quirks' in my thinking...when i was little, if a song got caught in my head i had to hum it four times in a row before i could stop. i used to 'air type' words out in front of me. i used to spell words out in my head, one letter at a time, to the rhythm of songs on the radio. and now, thanks to wordtwist (brought to me by facebook), all those years of rearranging letters and words in my head can be put to great use. wheeee!

i think i will play a few more games before i go watch michael moore's new documentary.

picnic, muncie, food poisoning.

2008-09-30T13:55:00.004-04:00

saturday eric and i had a picnic in the park. some chili, cornbread, and an awesome salad from whole foods. did i mention how much i love that he works at whole foods?! i told him he can never quit.

after our picnic, we drove up to muncie to see some friends:

(josh)

(michelle, on the right, with baby heron)

(allie, on the right, with shiloh)

so once i upon a time, i myself lived in muncie while i went to ball state, and there was a chinese restaurant that was my most favorite ever because they had amazing bean curd. so after the show, i begged my friends to go there for dinner. i was glad when they obliged and i got to eat my most favorite 'bean curd home style.' however, i was not as glad when we all took turns barfing up the chinese food immediately after. china express is officially no longer my favorite chinese restaurant :(

i'm off to study for a big math exam! wish me luck!

officially the anti-christ

2008-09-26T21:49:00.002-04:00

with all this talk about The Way lately, i was kinda intrigued by a program on TV tonight about cults and brainwashing. has anyone heard of Growing in Grace Ministries? scariest thing ever! this guy believes he has "Jesus' mind", has his followers tattooing 666 on their forearms (because "religion" has been lying to us for years about its significance), has people doing whatever he asks, and has no problem saying that he's done more miracles than Jesus Christ. the sad thing is the number of followers he has... bright, charming young people who've bought into it. it really broke my heart and took my breath away. deception is something that really gets to me lately and this may take the cake.

sigur ros

2008-09-25T19:48:00.003-04:00

on tuesday eric and i went to sigur ros in detroit with three other people. it was an amazing show for sure, although i couldn't see the stage for all the tall people in front of me (i'm 5'3" people!) and the two guys next to us were obnoxious the whole time (they aggravated 6 people to the point of leaving!). the trip to detroit was strange for me though, i realized it had been a really long time since i'd taken a road trip, let alone with 3 people i barely knew. i'm sure i gave off the 'wallflower' vibe, which is really fine with me as long as people don't misinterpret it. i promise i am working on being more socially adept.

i've been growing mentally a lot lately, re-learning how to think and what to believe. in a spiritual sense, i've been deceived most of my life about who i am, and now i can see how other people have been deceived as well. it really lays heavy on my heart. hopefully my 'opening up' can help others to do the same.

things with eric are going really well. we're taking things one day at a time and enjoying it all, doing new things together, re-learning what coupledom means. funny note: we went to a hookah bar last weekend! the apple-flavored tobacco really went nicely with our falafel sandwiches :)

"winter shoes"

2008-09-21T12:29:00.003-04:00

lately i've been trying to find more sensible shoes. it makes me feel old saying this, but i have chronic foot pain and nearly every pair of shoes i own hurts my feet after 3-4 hours or wear. i've been reluctant to admit it but the more cheaply-made the shoes is, the more it hurts my feet. this makes me sad because like most girls i enjoy cute, inexpensive shoes. so... yesterday i ordered these keens in dark mossy green through a shoestore in indy:

i have always been a sucker for mary janes. in fact when shopping with my mom, if i'm checking out a pair of mary janes, mom will say, "don't you think you have enough mary janes?" oh well. this company makes really comfortable and well-made shoes so i think it's worth it. i might even buy some boots of theirs. we'll see what winter brings.

i really should start getting rid of all the shoes that cause me problems, but then i'd have barely any shoes left :(

food and beverage geekery/at peace while eating

2008-09-15T22:26:00.004-04:00

i'm such a nerd. lately i get such a kick out of food/beverage containers. a few weeks ago eric bought me one of these with his whole foods discount:

mine is just like this but silver with a black cap. it's huge! it makes me feel like i'm going camping whenever i carry it with me.

today i bought this:

i was actually hoping for something a little fancier than this one, but i was impressed by its ability to keep food hot for 7 hours. i'm excited to be able to use this and actually take something "dinner-esque" to eat between my classes at school. it's either that or max out my student account at the food court...

i realize this may make me totally nerdy, but i actually feel inspired when i buy stuff like this. like one day i might just pack up some soup and a sandwich and my fancy sigg bottle and hop on my bike and take a mini-adventure. i've noticed that eating a packed lunch by myself is actually one of the most peaceful, enjoyable moments i've had in a while. recently i've been packing cut fruit and either chicken salad in a kit or a sandwich and eating in my car, and the downtime seems to do immeasurable good for my mood. it's strange to me, but good! usually when i need to eat while i'm out, i go through a drive-thru or eat in a busy food court at school, and both 1) my food choices are unhealthy, and 2) my attention is not at all on my food. both are bad for me in the end.

now i think i might be obsessed with making chili. an awesome fall food!

identity, church, cherry vanilla cream soda

2008-09-11T23:35:00.006-04:00

amidst all this sadness running amuck in my head, God is gently trying to remind me who i am in Him. this is something i have struggled with actually for many years. tonight i was reminded that i am a creative individual with a unique view of the world... it's been a while since i've felt any sort of crafty inspiration. i'm thankful for it. i'm also thankful in understanding what it means to find my identity in Christ rather than by wordly definitions... hopefully that will get easier.

the other day d'arcy did the cutest thing. so you've heard of the crazy cat lady? well, i'm gonna be the crazy dog lady and post pictures of my dog. sorry. feel free to caption it and send it to 'ihazahotdog.com'.

so d'arce being an ol' lady dog hasn't been feeling well, and on one particularly painful day for her, i found her like this- curled up in her bed with her 'baby' under her arm. my heart broke and i gave her some pain meds and a cookie.

on tuesday my good friends mark and ange moved to ireland. i am happy for them but sad in their absence. a week or so ago we had one last hurrah at the claddaugh, an irish pub in indy:

i really like how things are going with our church. i'm excited to see what will happen.

one last picture... this is what i had for lunch the other day:

homemade chili with locally grown ground chuck, sweet cornbread, and cherry vanilla cream soda- my newest addiction. praise God that my boyfriend is a manager at whole foods!

no darkness too dark

2008-09-08T22:52:00.002-04:00

fall is finally creeping back in, and i'm beginning to feel more and more alive. ironically, i am also dealing with what is possibly the deepest and darkest thing that i've ever had to deal with in my whole life. i won't go into details for internet's sake but i will say that there is no way i'm letting this 'thing' ruin my fall. fall has been and always will be the most important time of the year for me and, if i can just get my homework/school schedule under wraps, i plan on maxing it out this year.

i am excited for:
bike rides, tea drinking, crocheting, trips to the orchard, baking, craft times, apple cider, sweaters, colored leaves, awesome playlists, homemade soup in a thermos, hats and scarves, day trips, rosy cheeks, boots, oatmeal, quiet time, hoodies, outdoor games, bonfires, beans and cornbread, brown county, long walks...

what am i missing?

more adventurous

2008-08-25T10:44:00.002-04:00

last week eric and i went to summit lake state park by ourselves. we had originally wanted a few people to go with us and have a big pitch-in/cookout deal and go swimming, but it worked out nicely that just the two of us went. his father has two kayaks which we borrowed to skim around the lake. it was nice to hang out in that context for a change, not so much pressure to figure out what's going on between us. my arms hurt so bad! i thought for sure i'd look like popeye the next day.

last night we had more fun as well. after shoe shopping and partaking of the lovely discount we get from whole foods, we jumped on his trampoline for a few hours. i can TOTALLY still do backflips! that felt awesome. we then sat on his couch eating ramen noodle soup and watching gattaca, which unfortunately was interrupted by my sudden loss of vision... migraine auras can have that effect :( eric being the gentleman he is kindly whisked me off to starbucks in my blind stupor and purchased two(!) venti mint mocha chip frappuccinos for the two of us in an effort to ward off the impending migraine. what a guy to spend $10 on two beverages! the rest of the night was spent sipping said beverages, watching episodes of flight of the conchords, and having much needed conversation.

as a result of the caffeine bolus, i only got about 2 hours of sleep... and now i have to go to class. bummer. better get another mint mocha chip frappuccino (light of course, to save on the calories) to get me there.

here's to sleeping the rest of the evening away!

school daze

2008-08-20T23:36:00.002-04:00

today was my first day back to class. i am going to be so busy! i dont know how on earth i thought i'd be able to take 13 credit hours. sigh. i guess the end is in sight, though...

i am so excited for fall! who's with me?!

cider, leaves, scarves... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

oh re-invention

2008-08-13T14:26:00.002-04:00

when i came back from mexico, i had initially planned on not returning to my previous job. when i went into the office to tell my bosses this, they offered to allow me to come back on a PRN basis, meaning i can go into work whenever i want and work as much as i want. perfect. so i've been doing that and trying to work in some rachael-time as well. i really have felt 'dead' in some ways for a few years... i can remember when eric and i first started dating, i had just started working this job. we would stay out 'til 2 (sometimes 4!) just talking and hanging out, having little adventures all over the city, and i'd go into work with 2 hours of sleep. sure it wasn't comfortable but it didnt mean much, i felt like i was having the time of my life. slowly but surely i lost that feeling, i began to "need" 8 hours of sleep every night, i began to come home so tired from work that i never had time/energy to do the things that i really wanted to do, the things that made me feel 'alive.' living with your parents can have that affect as well. so, to summarize, after 2 years of working 40 hours a week (and then some) as well as balancing school... i feel like i dont know myself anymore. i used to love doing so many things, things that almost defined me in a sense. now i feel lost sometimes. does this happen to everyone? i'm not sure this is what God had in mind...

anyhow... today i made beer bread from a recipe in my ol' "How it all vegan" cookbook. turned out nice. I also made a chicken pot pie for my parents to eat for dinner. i plan on making salsa and jam from goods i plan to buy at the farmer's market. eric and i are going to see sigur ros in detroit next month. i plan on camping out within the next few weeks at a campground near my house. i'd also like to go swimming at a lake in a nearby state park soon if the weather permits. i hope to visit my friend kathryn in her new apartment down in bloomington (how i miss bloomington in the fall!!). yes, i have many things on my mind.

i already know.

2008-08-09T19:27:00.002-04:00

yesterday i went to a birthday party for my friend jason. we had a dance party (population 2-3), grilled out, had a bonfire, played whiffleball, and had a rad jam-out session comprised of accordion, banjo, and some other small guitar (they played 'king of carrot flowers'!). i had a beverage so i spent the night at eric's place so as not to risk getting a DUI (low tolerance!). when i came home this morning my mom asked me to go shopping with her, so i did. now my parents are out on their anniversary date dinner (28 years!) and i fully plan on getting a cheeseburger and fries from culvers (+ child-sized burger for d'arcy), renting "smart people" from blockbuster, and finishing the night off with ice cream.

go America! go unemployment!

i promise i will try to do something more productive and less "commercialist" tomorrow... living in Mexico for a month will certainly make you love your country in a totally new way.

etsy sweet etsy

2008-08-05T22:37:00.003-04:00

i ran into this gal's shop once upon a time, and ever since then i enjoy checking in on her and her lovely girly clothes. i dont know what it is but something about her designs and her wording just make me feel all squishy inside, like i'm drinking a mug of hot tea in the fall...
(i kinda dont blame you if you're making fun of me for this)

anyhow...
here's her site:
ananya @ etsy

hope you enjoy as i do!

i'm home.

2008-08-05T09:47:00.002-04:00

i came home saturday night. my head has kind of been a whirlwind for the last few weeks; there was a lot to take in and process and now that i'm home it doesnt feel real. it seems like this trip changed a lot for me- school, work, attitude. we'll see what happens. i feel bad saying this but i felt like i couldn't find God in mexico. for that reason, my little brain is especially tired.

i am looking forward to a very flexible work schedule, finding more classes to take, and both relaxing/adventuring.

Teotihuacán

2008-07-14T10:55:00.002-04:00

i climbed a pyramid! it was huuuuge!

flickr is slooooow or i would upload many photos. everything here is so different, yet so awesome. my brain will certainly be resting a lot when i return home.

¡hasta luego!

holaaaaa

2008-07-07T21:42:00.002-04:00

hola! estoy en mexico ahora!
i have been speaking SO MUCH spanish! i have learned so much already in just two days. the family that i live with runs a restaurant out of their house and i have eaten many delicious meals here.
hopefully soon i can figure out how to upload pictures from my camera without software. fingers crossed.
¡hasta luego!

voy, vamos

2008-06-29T21:30:00.002-04:00

on saturday i threw myself a goodbye party. more like a "im leaving for a month so come and hang out with me" kinda party. hamburgers, hotdogs, chips, watermelon, organic soda, and lots of cornhole! it was awesome. we ate, played many rounds of very competitive cornhole, and ended the night with an entertaining game of apples to apples. it was a nice way to see everyone before i leave.

allie, baby shiloh, and myself (aka the picture that launched a very serious diet!)

the brothers o'dell (alex and eric), conspiring in a serious round of cornhole

jason's cornhole method was very entertaining to me.

jenna and baby ryker.

i can't believe how fast this trip creeped up on me. i spent most of today packing and running some errands to grab some last-minute needed items. the rest of the week will be spent at work and doing homework, and trying to see a few friends here and there before i'm gone.

it's strange how this trip has brought about a sort of 'fork in the road' in my life... much change is on the horizon. i can hear God calling me to step out in faith, into the unknown... who knows what i may be writing on here in a month.

dios te bendiga!

departure

2008-06-25T22:43:00.003-04:00

i can't believe how fast time is passing me by right now. it feels like so much has been going on, and yet it hasn't really...
work has been out-of-control! covering here, training there, overtime here... it's a lot of stress for someone to deal with and i'm pretty sure i'm not handling it 'properly.' stress has pretty much always been my arch enemy.
crafts are on a hiatus at the moment. while i still have visions of totebags/wristlets/wallets dancing in my head, i dont have the mental energy right now to do as much as i want to do, mostly because...
i leave for mexico in a week and half!
i can't believe departure is so close. i am very excited to be in a different mind space for a whole month. i am hoping their culture will help me to see my own in different ways, even though i am already pretty disenchanted with "America" at the moment.
speaking of which, i saw shane claiborne speak last night at the church i use to volunteer at from time to time. he stopped in indianapolis on his 'jesus for president' tour with the psalters. i always love hearing what he has to say. i think he could probably talk about anything and i'd be inspired somehow. it was great to see mike and allie, twon, brent, kevin and naomi, but the bummer of the night was that one of the psalters' lost his dog and we walked about the area trying to help him find it during the intermission, only to be told that the dog had been hit by a car :(
i'm having a cookout this saturday so that i can see everyone and have some fellowship before i leave. burgers, hotdogs, and some rounds of cornhole! sounds awesome to me.

bad weather magnet

2008-06-06T22:22:00.003-04:00

i think hancock county must have some sort of gravitational pull of bad weather. we ALWAYS get the bad weather that comes through the state. so far we have been very lucky...

how about a craft update?!

some bibs i made for a doctor i work with that adopted a baby last week

beth's bag, my first custom order :) im pretty pleased with how it turned out!

this is a camera bag wristlet that i made for beth as well. it's really well insulated with some heavy duty interfacing.

good news on the craft front, my mom took pity on my craft explosion room (see below) and decided to clear out the upstairs living room, which we dont really use, so that i can set up a studio. it will be super exciting to have a bedroom that is not covered in fabric, pattern, thread, and other miscellaneous supplies.

it's much worse than this at the moment, and soon to be in another location!

rachael x corpses, reminiscing

2008-05-31T20:53:00.002-04:00

warning, long story!

so i've mentioned this shop i have on etsy... it hasn't gotten much business really because i dont have a whole lot of time to put things up. maybe a handful of things. anyhow... this total stranger messages me and says she likes my bags and wants to know if i'd be interested in some custom orders. i say okay, and over a few conversations she asks me to make her a few different items. we politely chitchat over messages getting item details and colors and sizes and what not, and through all of this she casually mentions that she's in Pennsylvania but from Portland, and her in-laws live in Goshen (sidebar: i used to spend a ton of time in Goshen; my old best friends Sara and Erica were from Goshen). well, Sara had another good friend named Dave Moral, who moved from Goshen to Portland to Pennsylvania, so i think to myself, hmm, who do i know that has attachments to portland, goshen, and pennsylvania? wouldn't it be funny/ironic if this girl was dave moral's wife?

so i prod a little... turns out i'm right! sara and i were inseparable but lost touch over the years; she lives in washington now and i'm here in indy, and this girl knows both sara and another girl i used to be friends with, and knows them well! needless to say i've been reminiscing with her of all the fun adventures i had with sara- we were a couple of vegan straightedge kids in the hardcore scene, back when there was a vegan straightedge scene. we used to drive all the way to chicago for soul veg! we had vegan pitch-ins and would take road trips all over and stare at other drivers on the road until they got so uncomfortable that they would either slow down or speed up. we made up goofy things to yell at other people. we took sticker pictures in the mall. we tried to mail a frozen pie to a guy in oregon. we sang along to Good Clean Fun out the windows of our cars. we hung out at steak n shake at 3 am, followed our friends in bands around the midwest, slept on erica's floor, cut each other's hair...

i guess this was a really long way to say, "small world." I am always a sucker for irony.

tuesday night review

2008-05-27T22:01:00.003-04:00

after a three day weekend, i did not really want to go back to work today. but alas, i did. and it was not so bad.

i finally have a "greenfield" friend, and it is nice to have someone call me up and say, "hey, let's go to the coffeehouse and paint pottery" and then go. i wish i could be more bold in the social arena. "i'm working on it."

also, i got my first custom order on etsy! i'm pretty excited. i like being challenged to do new things and explore new skills.

things are moving along nicely.

dia fantastico

2008-05-24T14:10:00.001-04:00

1) just went to goodwill and purchased a bunch of vintage sheets, curtains, and tablecloths to upcycle for the shop

and

2) won a scholarship!!! so psyched!

i'll be in mexico in a little over a month! that's CRAZY.

GOD'S RAD.

etsy, etcetera

2008-05-20T21:51:00.005-04:00

i think my whole "etsy endeavor" has taken a turn for the awesome. to explain, i've always thought that God speaks to people in their own special languages and in ways that only they can really appreciate, and lately i can back this up wholeheartedly. first, i received an awesome book in the mail on saturday and i've been crazy inspired because of it. that same day, my friend allie bought a bag from me, and when i tried to just give her the bag instead of letting her pay for it, she insisted on paying, stating that she likes to encourage people in their dreams (i really love that girl!) in any way she can. she and her husband mike took some cards i'd had printed up and said they'd help distribute them and that i could probably sell some of my stuff at mike's shows (he plays guitar). super encouraging. later in the conversation, we were talking about how my job isn't guaranteed when i come back from mexico and that i may need to start looking for a new job. allie very encouragingly suggested, "maybe you can do your craft stuff full time!" i swear, when these words came out of her mouth it sounded like God himself talking through her. so the seed was planted then... which brings me to today. at my biblical counseling session, i told the lady i meet with about how i started a little shop on etsy to try and sell things i'd made to make money for mexico. out of the blue, she said the exact same thing allie did, and again, it sounded like God was talking! has anyone else ever experienced this? it gave me chills. it's true, i have always wanted to be able to do something creative and fun for a living, but i never thought i had enough skill or talent or drive. maybe God is challenging me to walk out in faith... a very exciting thought for me.

on to tonight... eric taught me how to do some linoleum carvings, so i gave it a shot and printed an image onto some fabric. this is what i came up with. i may use it as a panel in a tote bag for myself since it's pretty beginner-level, but i'm still pleased with it. hopefully one day i can print my own fabric by the yard!

i also made tags! pretty exciting for me.

goodnight!

a good day

2008-05-17T13:10:00.002-04:00

i tend to get fussy when things dont go as planned. it's silly, i know, but something about me kind of 'freaks out' when i plan for this or that to happen on a given day and then everything changes, on that day. i guess i feel kind of out-of-control in a sense. anyhow, today i had planned to do nothing but relax, do some sewing and get more things into the shop, and just hang out by myself (i'm a homebody for sure). well, as of yesterday, all of that changed. normally i dont like when other people make my plans for me or tell me what to do with my time, but today i'm actually finding it enjoyable. so far, i have made two batches of muffins and fruit salad to take to my friend allie who just gave birth last tuesday. i'm also planning on making a dinner to take to her and her husband later. eventually i will go grocery shopping for grandma and also to get the things i need to make allie and mike's dinner. earlier today i checked my etsy shop (now stocked with 7 whole items! thats a lot for a busy girl) and i have lots of people looking at items and saving them on their favorites, which is promising. and THEN, this happened: a few months ago amazon.com had a sale on pre-orders, so i pre-ordered two awesome books and kind of forgot about them... until today. in the mail i received lotta jansdotters new printing book and sew & stow, a book with lots of projects right up my ally. so all in all, even though my day didnt go as i planned it, it's turned out okay.

i think that shows some maturity on my part...!!! (i'm laughing at how much i mean this and how ridiculous it sounds)

a calm saturday.

2008-05-10T21:18:00.003-04:00

a few weeks ago i tried to buy fusible ("iron-on") interfacing. i even asked the lady at the shop to sell me a yard of the "iron-on" kind, to be sure. after many failed atempts, i came to the realization that the lady sold me the sew-on kind, because today i bought a small package of pellon interfacing and it worked exactly the way the directions said it would. i'm even sort of excited to use it again! here's what i made with it- my brother and i are treating my mom to a spree at the clinique counter for mother's day, so i made her a new makeup bag:

here's the detail of the bird applique and the stitch

exterior and lining with green zigzag stitch.

i'm pretty pleased with it, and i really think the interfacing made a nice difference. hope mom likes it!

yeah!

2008-05-09T13:35:00.002-04:00

today i made my first etsy sale! to my friend amelinda in milwaukee!

SO EXCITED.

a new first

2008-05-06T17:49:00.003-04:00

today, for the first time ever, i voted.

...i also got gipped on etsy!!
(did i spell that right?)

God's probably trying to tell me to chill out on the online shoppery.

an eventful weekend.

2008-05-05T18:37:00.002-04:00

what a busy weekend. friday was first friday and eric, alex, jason, and i went to watch our friend emily walk down a runway in a dress made of teabags. then some of us ate a glorious meal of steak n shake.

saturday was julie's baby shower, which despite being windy was very fun.

please disregard my "skater" look. i promise i'm not in high school anymore.

sunday was awesome. i got up early and began sewing a new bag for myself, then ange, mark, and laura picked me up and we drove north to michelle's baby shower, which was probably the most awesome baby shower i ever went to.

(michelle's mother-in-law, michelle's mom, michelle, some guests)
please note that we are outside and that there is a teepee in the background. a real one. it was awesome. michelle got some really amazing handmade gifts; i was blown away by all the creativity that was present. we also got to design either a bib or a onesy for her and the baby.

after the baby shower we headed over to another home for a cookout where the girls' group met up with the guys. awesome food and hang out time. when it got dark and chilly enough we set up a bonfire down by the river that borders the property.

so far that was the best day since the warmer weather began. i hope we have many more like it.

craft drunk and blogger sabotage

2008-04-30T23:49:00.002-04:00

i wrote up a long, thought-out entry a second ago. would you like to read it? too bad... blogger apparently lost it somewhere...

i'm too tired to type anymore. here's what i made tonight:

wristlet for my friend emily

onesy for julie's baby kairos

etsy excitement

2008-04-27T00:10:00.003-04:00

i have been a sewing fool lately. last night my parents went out to eat, invited me to go with them, and i declined so that i could begin making items for sale in the shop. tonight, with much excitement, i posted my first two listings in my new etsy shop. here's what i made:

a cute appliqued tote bag

a cute "market tote" with a pocket in the lining that folds up nicely into a pouch.

i love craftery so much. i wish i could just quit my dayjob and sew all day long. i have tons of cute fabric just begging to be made into something useful!

tomorrow i plan on sewing some more, then getting my bike from eric (gas is ridiculously priced! i'm biking to work), and then going to church. then it's back to the daily grind...

very exciting

2008-04-23T23:40:00.004-04:00

thanks to this lovely lady, i learned how to sew a zipper tonight!!! i feel like i just got my driver's license!

lining and all! i'm so psyched.

tonight i bought a ton of fabric on sale. and it's all cute, nature-y inspired stuff. i also bought a bundle from a nice gal on etsy. now, i'm off to create business cards. i really hope this shop thing sticks, i'm really good at getting awesome ideas, diving into them 100%, and then letting the buzz wear off after a while...

warmer ways

2008-04-23T12:53:00.003-04:00

spring is such a freeing time for me. it seems like every spring i have this huge urge to reinvent myself. two springs ago i swore off shopping in 'fashionable' stores and decided i'd shop only at goodwill... it sounded really good at the time but it didnt stick. anyhow, lately all i want to do is wear my short jeans (that are about 7 years old!), tshirts, messy hair, old sauconys (circa 2000), and a bandanna. haha, it's funny to me how 7 years ago this was the "emo" uniform, and now kids in high school think "emo" means crazy asymmetrical haircuts, tight jeans, brightly colored shoes, and t-shirts that parallel avant-garde design. so much has changed!

anyhow... warmer weather really does something in me. if i could quit my job, i would travel all over the country with dear friends and only bring what i needed. i would go to cornerstone! i would visit the folks at 'another way is possible', i would hit up greasy diners on the sides of dusty roads, i would go dumpster-diving to feed the homeless, i would plan adventures with friends, i would camp out of my car, i would make sure to finally see built to spill live, i would drive across the country to keep in touch with old friends, i would see the grand canyon and enjoy feeling very small, i would do a lot of things. etc, etc...

sigh!

sad news

2008-04-20T21:49:00.003-04:00

my dear friend michelle's father passed away saturday. my heart is breaking for her, her family, and her little unborn birdie.

please keep her in your prayers as she is very pregnant!

i felt the earthquake.

2008-04-19T22:46:00.003-04:00

the previous week has been both stressful and enjoyable.

first of all, my jaw is getting better. the muscles in my neck however are still very sore. i feel like such a baby when i complain about it. anyhow, school will be done with on thursday for this semester (!!!) and i anticipate the muscle strain will relieve itself with a lighter stress load. i will have free time again! speaking of which...

i opened a shop on etsy.com... i already had an account for purchasing purposes, but i went ahead and made up a little banner to use for selling purposes for the time being- i dont have any good photo software on this computer, so i had to use paint, so obviously it is high-quality (sarcasm). i'm even thinking of making up some business cards. i had wanted to do something like this for a while now, but i just never had the time. i am hoping that school's ending will bring about more time for me to sew & create, and learn new skills on the sewing machine. so far i plan to sell a tote bag that i began last year, other tote bags with the fabric i've bought from sellers on etsy, and maybe some bibs. nothing much. i certainly dont plan on being very successful, but Lord Willing i might be able to make some extra money to use for the mexico trip, which i will most definitely need soon.

work has been crazy! i'm training a new girl who will eventually help me out, and that will be a blessing, but as for now i am still the go-to girl for everything else. no wonder i have a tight jaw!

some girls from church called me to hang out on thursday after my last class. when i finally arrived, they had grilled chicken and kebobs, rice, fresh fruit, and fresh homemade cookies. it was glorious. they insisted i wash it down with a margharita-flavored wine cooler. it was seriously the best meal i've had in a while. i'm definitely ready for more times like that. i was really especially blessed that they thought to invite me... i'm not exactly a social butterfly. but i am trying.

i am looking foward to the coming whirlwind of this week. a spanish presentation, two days off in a row!, a pilates class that i normally would not be able to attend, sewing gifts for michelle's baby, a geography final which means the end of the semester, and saturday is michelle's baby shower/josh's dudely cookout in eaton, to which i will be carpooling with other ladies from church. and the week after that, all i have to worry about is work! bring on the freetime!

as you may have heard, indiana experienced an earthquake yesterday. the funny part for me was when i realized it was a real, live earthquake, i bolted into my parents' room at 5:37am thinking that our house might collapse upon us (i was half-asleep), only to see my dad naked, coming out of the bathroom to ask why everything was shaking... good thing i slept in my contacts, they were so cloudy that i didnt see anything, thank God!

la batalla de cuerpa

2008-04-12T15:08:00.002-04:00

lately i've been quixotic. in a spiritual sense, it feels as though my flesh, the 'old man', is attempting a takeover. i am most certainly in one of those spiritual growth times and it is really becoming evident. i have always struggled with issues of anger and pride, and lately my eyes have been opened to how these issues had become ingrained in me at an early age, so much so to the point where i am not 100% aware of what i am doing anymore. i struggle with compulsive spending and laziness! terrible things that are so epitomizing of the world i struggle to live outside of today. as if those arent taxing battles in myself, my literal flesh is fighting me. i wake up from terrible, anguishing dreams to find that i've clenched my jaw all through the night. i have not had one day without pain in the last 2 months. everyone i know says i must be stressed, but i would beg to differ. most of us would argue that we are 100% aware of it when we are stressed out, right? i am handling job stress, i am handling school, i am trying my darndest to handle my finances, so why am i always so tense? it's a mystery...
on a brighter note, my spanish professor said something very encouraging to me. after i made a short class presentation in which i garbled many words and apologized much, my professor said "rachael, no te dudas! puedes hablar" (rachael, don't doubt yourself, you can speak). it was really nice to hear.
i am really desiring a true sabbath. one that does not involve me sleeping the day away.

reaching back and out

2008-04-06T00:10:00.003-04:00

i did something really dumb tonight.

every now and then i miss people from my past, so i'll look them up on myspace or whatever and try to see how they're doing, what they're up to, etc... well, i went so far back to visit the past that now my heart is heavy. old livejournals with old feelings, old online albums that accidentally got deleted (pictures gone forever!), old email addresses, old personalities,etc...

i'm such a creature of sentiment, to a fault. i find myself missing things i really shouldn't be missing. i look back at all the adventures i used to have and it makes me feel old and depressed.

at least it makes me want to make new memories to replace the old ones. i'm getting better at reaching out.

photo explosion and much ado about updates

2008-04-05T20:10:00.007-04:00

I've been busy. See below.

so, i have about 235890 friends who are pregnant right now. with the trip to mexico coming up, i am not able to buy as many presents for people as i'd like to, so i've been buying fabric and making lots and lots of handmade baby gifts. on friday, i gave a co-worker a couple of bibs with a more rock n roll theme (zebra print, skulls, bandannas) and a burp cloth that was considered "gender-neutral." tomorrow my friend Haley and i are hosting a shower for our friend allie (michelle- coming?), who is keeping baby's gender a secret. thus commenceth the making of many gender-neutral gifts for the baby, as pictured above. tomorrow should be fun, neither haley nor i have ever hosted a baby shower, so we'll see what happens. allie wanted something very low-key, so i ordered a cake and some pretty daisies as favors, and we'll have a pitch-in, all before church tomorrow.

speaking of church, things are happening! it's exciting. we now meet in a very old methodist church even closer to downtown, right across the street from the mission. very exciting. however, i unfortunately may have to skip church tomorrow in order to write a spanish paper...

today i booked a flight for cuernavaca. it was a very nervous experience. i dont normally throw down $700 for something. it made me realize, "holy crap, i'm going to mexico for a month!"

last weekend we celebrated mom's birthday (ours are a week apart) by going to Benihana! so fun! here are some pictures:

this is Jose, our cook. i should point out that my dad gets very excited at any opportunity to speak spanish; he's been trying to teach himself the language for a few years now. when he asked Jose where he's from ("De donde eres?"), Jose replied, "Japan, Mexico."

(Mom Terri, sister-in-law Jen, brother Patrick)

last night i went to first friday with eric, twon, jason, and mike. it was a lot of fun seeing people i hadn't seen for a long time. free food and wine made it better! it was a really fun night altogether seeing as how i hadn't really been social for the past year or so.

i must now prepare to write the above-mentioned spanish paper. do you want to help? answer this: what solutions do you propose to alleviate the negative effects of the immigration influx on the US healthcare system? (i know. i picked a really awesome topic... )

Cuernavaca!

2008-03-29T15:38:00.002-04:00

it's not the best picture, but... I'll be studying in Cuernavaca this summer! For a whole month! I'm very excited. I'll be taking 6 credit hours worth of class, plus we'll be taking excursions to all sorts of fancy historic sites. I'll be staying with a Mexican host family and learning even more Spanish. It will be like school and vacation mixed!

The only downside is that I will lose my job, which I love. With being gone for a month, they will need someone to take over my duties, and company protocol doesn't allow anyone to be off for that long. So that will be sad- i've put a lot of hard work into my job and have really come to enjoy what i do and the people i work with. However, come fall i will be taking more classes at school and therefore will be working less, so it may be a blessing in disguise. we shall see.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

birthday.

2008-03-23T00:59:00.008-04:00

yes, it was today. i am the ripe old age of 26, and i cannot begin to tell you how many people in the last two days have told me that i look 17.
my parents and i split the cost of a nice new futon as a birthday present. it's awesome. it's a pretty brown color and obviously it folds into a couch and a bed, but the head of the bed also clicks upward into 5 different positions, which is really nice for reading in bed. i'm excited about it. it makes my bedroom seem much more livable.
eric got me some awesome gift cards to places i enjoy shopping in, a wooden crate for records, and an out-of-print damien jurado album that i mentioned i was looking for when we first began dating nearly two years ago. he definitely deserves credit for remembering that.
mom and dad took me out to buca di beppo last night for an amazing italian meal (my favorite, sigh). then we went to visit my brother patrick who is a bartender at a popular bar in broad ripple, but we didnt stay long due to the inevitable chaos of march madness. we also had a scrumptious breakfast at cracker barrel this morning. tomorrow i look forward to the traditional cherry chip birthday cake with cherry icing that my mother makes for my brother and i every year.

here's some pictures:

eric and i went out to dinner tonight where we got free dessert(!), then went bowling, but first we stopped to see my dad's band (stagecoach) play at a benefit show down the road from where we live. i took several pictures but this one is my favorite:

dad is on the left, gary is on the right. yep, dad plays bass in a honky-tonk band :)

10

2008-03-14T23:34:00.002-04:00

1) spring break is coming to an end. sad that i didnt get to do anything fantastic, glad that i got to relax.

2) mom is buying me an awesome new futon for birthday, and i may be switching to a new bedroom in the house. i'm a sucker for novelty!

3) i am so sore all the time anymore, i feel like i'm 80. got a massage today and had to sit around for an hour because i felt so rubbery afterwards.

4) AAAALLLMOOST saw built to spill tonight! argh! should have bought tickets yesterday.

5) turned in a scholarship application yesterday to a woman who thus replied, "oh good, i dont think we've had anyone else apply for this one." deadline is tomorrow! fingers crossed!

6) possible trip to the new (much closer!) ikea in west chester, ohio! possibly this weekend! i would die and go to furniture heaven.

7) gave my car a good scrubbin' both inside and out. a nice way to usher in spring.

8) diagnosed with TMJD last week. clicking jaw abounds.

9) bought many good presents for upcoming birthdays from the cancer site/the literacy site. excited to be giving out 'meaningful' gifts to people rather than tacky crap.

10) planning a baby shower for a friend, which is a first for me. should be fun!

nice

2008-03-06T23:25:00.002-05:00

i got an awesome blessing at work today. a lady who i have a friendship with gave me a plaster kit so that i can make d'arcy's paw prints. it was really super sweet of her; i know she knows how much my dog means to me and how much it will suck when d'arcy is gone.

i finally finished a whoppin' spanish paper. now i have to figure out how to return to normal life!

hanging out tomorrow with old friend, hopefully many inspiring spiritual discussions will be had.

keep praying for dad!

prayer.

2008-03-03T19:04:00.002-05:00

praise report #1: i have a friend who has been athiest as long as i've known him. last week i said a few prayers for him, asking God to reveal himself to my friend. he emailed me yesterday.... after he'd come home from church :)

praise report #2: d'arcy has been miserable. i didnt think she would live through last night. she has difficulty breathing, walking, eating, etc. today while i was at work feeling sad about the situation, i asked God to heal her. when i came home, she was still in my bed where she spends most of her time, but she was wagging her tail! she does not do that much at all anymore. later tonight as i was cooking dinner, she got a toy out and started playing with it, and she wagged her tail even more when mom came home. then she ate a bowlful of our dinner AND some of her own dog food. her spirits are so much higher than yesterday! ironically- and i realize this might be cheesy- the "daily bible verse" on my google homepage was psalm 36:6-

"Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O LORD, you preserve both man and beast."

crazy! seriously, God's pretty rad, he's been pretty busy in my life lately. which leads me to this prayer request-

prayer request: please, please, please pray that my dad finds a job. the company he's working for at the moment hasn't given him any work in almost a week. to make matters worse, they told him he had work on saturday, so he drove to some far location only to find out that they needed a different type of work done (he's an electrician). there is a job opening here in town that he would be very excited to get. he got laid off from his steady job back in september, and since then he hasn't been able to find steady work. obviously things are tense in the house because of this.

paz.

wakin' up

2008-03-02T18:40:00.002-05:00

i felt like the world woke up a little today. church was nice, i finally returned to vecinos after about a 2 month hiatus. seeing people was nice and actually having conversations with brothers and sisters was great. our new pastor is pretty great too, i'm excited to talk with him about bloomington and its current deadness.
the weather was beautiful. too bad i didnt have time to get out and do something to commemorate it.
i'm so thankful for progress. thankful for waking up again. thankful for grace and mercy and forgiveness.

look what i got!

2008-02-24T12:21:00.003-05:00

so i hate opening the mail. it's always bills and credit card offers and miscellaneous stuff that i'm not interested in. i let it pile up for months at a time on my desk until i dont have any desk left, then i'll sit down one day and open everything and divide it into either a) the trash pile, or b) the 'shred' pile.

today was that day. i got up this morning, began opening piles upon piles of health insurance crap, credit card offers that i'll never consider, bank statements that i'd already seen online, etc...

then i got to a big manila envelope from IUPUI. i thought it was probably an advertisement or newsletter or something i should probably just throw away, but i openend it anyway, and this is what i found:

aaah! who would've thought? i screamed "oh my God" a few times and then ran into my mom's bathroom to show her even though she was mid-shower. i've never EVER been on the dean's list before, not even close!!!

maybe i will start opening the mail more often.

valentine's day gifting

2008-02-17T17:37:00.003-05:00

an amazing present from eric. it's hard to see, but in the lower right-hand corner the words "sister" and "daughter" are written in hebrew. ironically, i gave him a silver ring with the words "brother" and "son" in hebrew. it's strange because i kind of told myself that if we gave each other 'complimentary' gifts for valentine's day, it would be a sign from God that everything will work out as we hope it will. it's certainly making this season much more bearable.

i wish there were more hours in the day. i dont have time to do all the things i want to do. i get so depressed when, at 6:00 pm at night, i realize that all i've done for the day is read a book and put away laundry.

this winter is so confining. i'm anxious to go for hikes, picnic, run and jump and throw my arms up into the air under the stars. i guess for now i've settled for eating more fresh strawberries and keeping the food dehydrator running at all times: yesterday i experimented with some applesauce and sugar-free raspberry jello mix, which ended up tasting more like a jolly rancher than fruit leather. today i've got more bananas, a tangelo and its rind, and... mango! yep, figured out how to slice up a mango. one of these days i'm going up to saraga to load up on the more exotic fruits, and then, fruit leathers will abound.

man, i sure do get motivated about the food dehydrator...

cabin fever

2008-02-16T14:25:00.002-05:00

also. i need to get out more. this past week had me so busy that i slept for approximately 13 hours last night/today, and now that i have time to actually do something, i have no ideas/partners in crime.

today i plan to go grocery shopping and hopefully read a book. other than that, it's depressing.

two good things

2008-02-16T14:14:00.002-05:00

1) i studied really hard (all night) for a geography exam that i had to take last tuesday. i got a 554 out of 600 (a weird scale!) which equals out to an A. the weird thing is, i studied with the girl who set the curve- she got a 596 out of 600! jeeeeez.

2) yesterday i took d'arcy to the vet for a check-up and she just happened to be sick also. so the vet took her temperature and checked her out- she had a fever of 104.9 and her heart rate was 180. the vet really really wanted me to admit her overnight for a few nights to get some IV fluids into her system, but my family and i just couldn't afford it, so we went with the more conservative option of putting her an antibiotic in pill form and we gave her a bath when we got home. we were all really upset and the plan was to take her back to the vet this morning so that she could get 6 hours of IV's to try and break the fever. well, when we took her in to the vet this morning, her fever had dropped to 99.6! sooo much better. and no IV's, just some monitoring.

crisis averted! Thank you God for keeping my dog healthy!

experimentator

2008-02-12T21:08:00.001-05:00

... and thus commenceth thy food dehydrator experimentation.

i have apple chips, banana chips, orange rind, and orange slices on this batch. over the weekend i did a preliminary test batch of banana chips and apple chips which turned out awesome despite my choice to forgo any pre-treatment; the owner's manual suggests dipping the fruit in lemon juice or some other chemical type mixtures to help the fruit keep its color and taste but i skipped that and everything turned out awesome. this batch is for a co-worker's birthday tomorrow; she is my fellow natural-food enthusiast so i am excited to bless her with something hand made yet edible.

in other news, i've organized a clothing drive at work to benefit "Dress for Success," a group that gives disadvantaged women free professional attire to help them secure employment.

it's been really awesome to have something motivate me from the mundane mood i've been in :)

outlet shopping!

2008-02-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

today i went outlet shopping with two awesome friends, allie and haley. haley (on left) and i actually grew up in the same neighborhood, with our backyards touching, and somehow ended up attending the same church in our adult lives.

on the way to meet at allie's, i was driving east on I-70 when i saw a tumbleweed! it was only 5 or 6 inches in diameter but it was most definitely a tumbleweed. it gave me a chuckle.

we loaded up and headed to the outlet mall in Edinburgh for an awesome day of shopping. ate lunch at max and erma's, where i was good and ate the 'healthy' option off the menu. then we hit the stores. puma outlet, adidas outlet, clarks outlet... all overpriced! i wanted some new running shoes but couldnt find any to suit my feet/budget. then we went to the gap outlet. i had a gift card from christmas and i sufficiently spent it on a new blouse, two camisoles, and a tank top. i love the tanktops and camisoles from gap outlet, they're so cheap and comfortable and they fit well too! allie got some cute rainboots. then we went to an awesome kitchen store where i bought a RONCO food dehydrator! i laughed at myself when i thought at how many hours i spent watching the RONCO infomercials as a child. to this day they still had me sold on the food dehydrator. now i can make dried fruits, fruit leathers, and i can dry the herbs i grow in the garden!!! heck yeah! anyone want home-grown chamomile, mint, lemon balm, pineapple sage, or basil? allie already has a food dehydrator and she and i planned to get together (and invite haley of course) to make some fruit leathers. one of the things i miss most about having my own kitchen is being able to make and cook my own foods.

we ended the day by going to the rocky mountain candy shop, where they had gigantic (or as allie clarified: genetically modified) chocolate-covered strawberries. my mouth watered over those, the raspberry/strawberry creams, and haley's peanut butter bucket:

perhaps the highlight of the day (besides the food dehydrator!) was when the three of us were consulting a mall map when a young man, approximately 22-24 years of age approached us and said,

"Excuse me, but would any of you happen to be single?"

I should point out that he seemed to direct this at allie, who is obviously quite pregnant.

"Well, I'm married and pregnant, she's married (pointing to haley), and she's...with us...today (meaning of course, me)."

After he walked away, I laughed until I cried. God Bless Allie Laman.

Thank you God for a nice day with friends.

melon-collie

2008-02-07T22:06:00.001-05:00

i dont like to feel sorry for myself. i know that things will get better, that i must be patient, have faith, etc... but in knowing those things, i think i'll allow myself to write something sad and depressing if i feel the need to let it out. i tend to think that anger and depressing stories can make people feel put-off, but i'm sick of sugar-coating things. i feel like if i dont face some of this stuff, i wont get over it.

on that cue, i felt like the world was very quiet today. i know it was quiet in mine. feeling alone in the world can either turn the volume up or down on everything going on around you. i might prefer the latter.

aprendiendo

2008-01-26T20:04:00.001-05:00

my life is incredibly boring right now. i can sense God trying to do lots of work in me, but of course my understanding is so feeble at times that i can tell i'm fighting it somewhat. normally my time is so occupied with so many things, but now that eric and i are spending time apart, i find myself restless and not knowing what to do on a saturday afternoon. today i chose to spend the day in bed, mostly because i could, with a book by beth moore about overcoming strongholds. it's probably a good thing i did too, because my parents were gone almost all day, so that gave me some time to get quiet and pray. it's hard for me to do that when my parents are home, strangely.

on a more positive note, i am trying to orchestrate a study abroad. i'd like to go this summer, and hopefully when i come back i will be a full-time student with a part-time job. if my plans continue as i hope they do, i will have a degree in a little over a year! that makes me very excited.

so far, i'm looking at programs going to mexico and central america. everyone says you should go to spain, but to be honest, the flight across the pacific scares me to death. enough to make me want to stay in this hemisphere! i've flown to venezuela before, and since i seem to have handled that just fine, i may try for argentina, ecuador, peru, costa rica, etc... whichever place has the sort of program i need. of course funding is going to be an issue, so i'm trying to research scholarships and grants and financial aid. fingers crossed!

i'll end on a more important note... God has really laid on my heart the need for me to find fellowship, and more specifically, someone who i can be accountable with. i sense this need also, but over the years i've developed some sort of fear of people, especially the deeper relationship involved in an accountability friendship. if anyone reads this, please pray that God will lead me to fellowship, brothers, and most specifically, a sister. and please dont feel any pressure to try to fulfill that yourself!

p.s. d'arcy is doing much better!

a real weekend for once

2008-01-20T21:06:00.000-05:00

this weekend, i went nowhere. and i was very happy about it. i have noticed how good i am at cramming my schedule full of work, school, taking care of others, running errands, etc... and then trying to do things i enjoy as well, which i usually think means going somewhere on the weekend. well, this weekend i decided to just stay home and do things around the house, organize, clean, take care of d'arcy, eat pizza with parents... and even though it's terribly unexciting, it made me feel so productive. and less tired! it's so nice to actually relax and do whatever i want. i should do this more often...

today was all about organization and craft projects. here's two i finished today:

(crochet hook roll)

as you may be able to see, i'm not a very skilled seamstress. i like to call my work "sufficient sewing", because, as you can see, it may not be perfect but it certainly works. i'm too ADHD to iron seams and such!

here is a fabric grocery bag i made (go green! no more plastic bags!). it's the FIRST time i ever tried using appliques, and as you can tell it's very "beginner." i still like it because it's useful and i made it. now that i know that you're supposed to use interface with appliques, my next attempt may be better.

like i said... beginner!

thank you God for allowing me to grow, even if i am fighting it somehow.

tryin' times

2008-01-19T23:20:00.000-05:00

there's no question that God has put me in one of those life situations where he wants me to learn something. i am having a hard time with it to be honest, but at the same time i'm trying to see things more simply. i dont believe in patting myself on the back, but i do feel thankful that i turned out the way i did up to this point. i'm glad i've made such a turnaround in my life- i'm a much calmer version of the person i used to be. i have better morals, stronger convictions, and less anxiety about manifesting those things. i think everyone goes through those periods in life where they wonder how others will perceive them. i know for certain that i still do, but now i am much more comfortable with acting on my beliefs and for that i'm thankful. it definitely brings about a peace. i know it's a sign of God's hand in my life.
tonight was a simple blessing: eating pizza with my mom and dad, watching tv. i dont know how exactly to explain how it was a blessing, but it was.

miserability #2

2008-01-07T01:19:00.001-05:00

so i got over the toothache, now i just cannot sleep... gah!
my brain is too busy. it has contemplated more craft projects, new books, scholarship ideas, weight loss programs, and the bleaching of my hair. i wonder how i would look as a blonde?

oh sleep, come quickly. what to do in the meantime... as much as i love vincent d'onofrio, CSI is not cutting it...

finally gettin' out on a saturday night

2008-01-06T11:36:00.000-05:00

i think my tooth is finally getting better. last night i was able to go out to a party... my friends mark and ange are moving to ireland, and their going-away party was last night. a nice guy named joseph allowed our group to have the party at his home, which was an awesome loft, and the food was absolutely awesome. i tried to take pictures... i still havent figured out the new camera...

then my batteries died. probably because i spent a lot of the time fiddling with it and trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. i am thinking of buying rechargable batteries.

after some discussion, it has been decided that a trip to the outlet mall in edinburgh will be planned for myself and at least 2 other ladies. i am excited! i can use the gap giftcard that eric bought me! i can always find stuff at the gap outlet.

school starts again on tuesday. i may have mentioned this, but i purposely arranged my classes with an hour and 45 minutes in-between so that i would go to the fitness center and work out. i'm pretty excited about that. i have started eating better too. i know it's terribly cliche to make "eating better and losing weight" a new year's resolution, but eh. it's kind of a big deal to me. fingers crossed.

observatory

2007-12-30T15:32:00.001-05:00

1) i havent been to church in about 6 weeks. i actually really love my church and miss people there, but i've come to the realization that i have simply become accustomed to having too much stress in my life and that i need to take more "me" time. like a sabbath, really. stress is so normal to me now that i dont have the slightest idea as to what to do with any free time. i plan on going back next week. on a sidenote, i found out that a girl who i really liked no longer goes to our church because she felt like she didnt connect with anyone... i feel like i might be to blame for that in some way, and that bums me out. i also felt that way about the people in our congregation, and still do to an extent...
2) i really want to move to spain or south america. yesterday i talked to another interpreter at the clinic where i volunteer. he told me stories of how he'd moved to spain to teach english, no visa, not much of a financial safety net, and pretty much flew under the radar for 7 months. i'd much rather do it that way than deal with visas and what not. apparently spain isn't really concerned with americans.
3) i am thinking of opening an etsy shop, and selling odds and ends. i made some rice hot/cold packs for christmas presents this year, and everyone seemed to be really excited about them. i'm also making more and more jewelry, and if i can get my hands on some soldering tools, i will be able to do even more...
4) i really need to learn how to sew... like, properly. right now i do what i call "sufficient sewing", which to me means that it gets the job done. it's definitely not very fancy or 'clean.' hoping to change that.
5) i miss making music soooooo much. my dad broke down his drums and put them in the attic and apparently doesnt plan on putting them up any time soon. seriously. some people crave food, drugs, alcohol... i crave beats. hahah.
6) i'm sort of not looking forward to another semester. i'm torn between finishing college and continuing to live with my parents vs. working full time, possibly at two jobs, so that i can move back out. there are simply too many variables in my life at the moment.
7) my jaw is killing me. i think i have TMJD.
8) i keep watching reruns of Invention Nation on the science channel and trying to talk myself into getting a diesel car to convert to veggie oil.

and last, because it's sad and i dont really want to think about it but i have to eventually:

9) i think d'arcy is dying. i dont have the slightest idea for how to deal with this. i keep giving her supplements and puppy painkillers but nothing seems to be helping :( i almost wish she'd just go peacefully in her sleep sometime so that she doesnt have to suffer and i don't have to watch. i dont know what to do...

a few new photos. still experimenting :)

2007-12-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

(my favorite wall)

(my little ol' puppy girl, d'arcy)

(the two of us, livin' it up on a friday night)

christmas highlights 2k7

2007-12-25T22:42:00.000-05:00

some presents:

as hoped, one of those lovely presents was a new digital camera. i am still trying to figure out how to use it as well as flickr.com.

christmas was awesome this year! i got so many things i didnt even expect. eric had an awesome christmas with us as well. we love to spoil him. he got a timbuk2 backpack for his bike riding from my mom, a chris markovich deck, a lomography oktomat camera, some clothes from my mom and a hat, some ipod accessories, a "love your enemy" shirt from another world is possible, an electric razor (practical of me), a dremel set from my dad, some stocking stuffers, and last but not least... my dad built him a letterpress! i think he enjoyed his christmas with us.

i wish i'd taken pictures of some of the presents i made this year... i made my grandma a set of stationery, made jen (my sister-in-law) a heat pack for her neck, made picture frames for ladies at work, and a ton of homemade candy. next year i hope to make the majority of the presents i give to others.

merry christmas, hermanos y hermanas :)

winter in the making

2007-12-20T19:30:00.000-05:00

my schedule is calming down. i'm finally done with school for this semester, and it really did kind of fly by. i was very pleased to see my hard work pay off (i really did work hard!). i got a 3.5 GPA, and i dont say that to brag in the least; it's just that it's so cool to me to be able to see what a change i've made. my first semester of college ever (back in 2000), my GPA was 1.9- not the best way to start a college career. so i've grown, i've matured, i've realized what it means to work hard to get things done. so, as i said, i'm not bragging, just very pleased. God has certainly made a change in me!
through speech class i realized how important it is for me to be an advocate for the poverty issue here in indianapolis. after all the research i'd done, i just couldn't continue to live in the same manner knowing that there are so many people in need, people within a few miles of where i comfortably live. i guess you could say, in Shane Claiborne terms, i've "found my calcutta." i started working at a free clinic on the eastside of indy, where 8 out of 10 children are hungry, and 50% of adults cannot read. i also began writing articles for a magazine called "One Paycheck Away," which i'm very excited about. i've got my hands in all kinds of pots... just wish i had more time to invest...
i'm certainly excited/motivated to get my degree done so that i can more effectively communicate with the spanish-speaking folk around here.
really, there are many things i hope to do in the near future- get more involved in the community, continue to spend more time with grandma, invest more time in crafts with the intentions of opening a little online shop, explore alternative ways of living, make music (again), and rely more on myself (less on the government/parents/employers/consumer market/etc).
sigh, i have so much i want to do...

christmas list

2007-12-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

i had a hard time coming up with a christmas list this year. usually i say, "oh, just take me shopping", but the older i get, the more difficult it is for me to buy/want things that aren't really "useful." for years i have been asking for a moped. i dont think it's going to happen. and i tried wanting clothing/shoes/other nice-ities, but i just couldnt put my heart into it. SO. this is what i asked for:

1) a digital camera. yeah, i'm playing catch-up with everyone else technology-wise. i dont want or need a fancy one, just something i can 'document' things with.
2) craft supplies. i would love to be able to make more things. i asked for supplies to make resin jewelry and soldering supplies. i read somewhere that you can solder anything and in a very cheesy way, i felt inspired.
3) a rotary mat, for cutting bigger (!!!) sewing projects.
4) gift cards, so that i can buy clothes that fit and things i need.
5) a mini-fridge. really kinda 'frivolous', but i wanted a fridge for my desk at work and i dont need the dorm-sized one, so i asked for one of those fridges that holds about a six-pack.

that's all i can really think of. i asked for a few little things here and there from eric, like a custom-made necklace from etsy.com. he says he's cooking up a surprise, and i am clueless... but that's good, because he's getting spoiled by my family again this year. two big surprises, one from each parent, and a couple of cool things that i picked out.

i finished my shopping tonight (hooray!), but now i have a long list of craft items that i need to make for people. i'm trying my best to make more and more of my presents for christmas, and hopefully one day i can cease christmas shopping altogether. this year it was my goal to make at least one thing for each person on my list. i think the only idea i have for my dad is to make him a "shooting range target carrier." yup. basically a yoga-mat bag design made from camo pants. he likes guns and that's all i got. let me know if you have any better ideas...

i really better not make that.

heart hurts

2007-12-10T21:51:00.001-05:00

tonight i was given some bad news. i probably shouldn't go into details for the sake of privacy... it's just such a shock. something very sad happened in my friend's family. i never, ever saw it coming.
i guess this is just one of those moments where i wish i had one of those super-power emotional band-aids that could make everything okay. i wish i knew what to say or do. i wish i knew how to deal with this mentally.

thank you God for always having a plan for us, a plan that is better than any of our own plans, even if we don't always understand it.

love you, j.e.s.

oh'dellard adventures!

2007-12-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

maybe one of these days i can figure out how to get a music player on my blog. for now, here is a list of a really good mix i made recently:

young folks - peter, bjorn, and john
the funeral - band of horses
the latest toughs - okkervil river
caleb meyer - gillian welch
never ending math equation - modest mouse
ruby - kaiser chiefs
dark center of the universe - modest mouse
helicopter - m. ward
a savior on capitol hill - derek webb
promise of love - american analog set
7/4 (shoreline) - broken social scene
else - built to spill (sidebar: jenny and i are music twins)
the joke is over - damien jurado
photobooth - death cab for cutie
new religion (duran duran cover) - jimmy eat world
seven - sunny day real estate
house under the hill - the finches
he lays in the reins - calexico & iron and wine
devil never sleeps - iron & wine

i have been listening to this mix:
a) while at work doing monotonous taskery
b) while making some of the items from the huge list of christmas presents i need to craft for people
c) on my super sweet, super minimalist car stereo that consists of my ipod and a pair of ipod speakers that run on triple A batteries and sits on my dashboard when not folded up in my purse (a great $5 investment).

i must now return to online shopping for jewelry supplies. dios te bendiga.